Come gitchur free ham

Honey Baked Ham called today. They made new ham and they’re traveling it around to businesses who frequent their establishment (such as mine). The Ham Lady actually ASKED if she could bring some FREE HAM by during lunch time. I wanted to say, “Ham Lady, you could have mysteriously dropped off a cake in a garbage bag, and we still would have eaten it.” The ham showed up over 30 minutes late and I was already well into materializing my angry letter to HBH about how they went around teasing free ham. Aside from it being late, it was DELICIOUS. Ham always reminds me of my dad who I unfortunately have mixed feelings about. Fortunately, the ham parts are the good times when he would cook it and let me eat the edge bits that fell off.

There was also a survey to take regarding the ham and it came with a $10 gift certificate. The questions were typical and so were my answers (except for the occasional, “I don’t buy ham, sorry!” This one was worth noting:
* How is the availability of the Homestyle-Sweet Boneless Ham in your local grocery store likely to impact your ham buying habits? (check all that apply)
I enjoy that they used the phrase “ham buying habits.”
Hmm.. it was more funny when I was taking the survey.

I told JD about the ham, and he asked me to save some for him. I brought soup for lunch so I didn’t have a container to put ham in. I picked my tea Ziploc bag out of the trash (which had little to nothing in it besides my empty Triscuit box and laughing cow cheese wrapper) and put it in my purse. The Southerners (a married couple, the husband works with me, but they’re both from North Carolina) usually eat at the same time as I do in the break room but at a different table so I couldn’t steal ham while they were looking. I hovered over the unwrapping of the ham, waiting with a fork and plate. When I sat back down with my huge piece of ham that I did not want to eat all of, I panicked a little. The Southerners were dawdling. They usually leave to go cuddle around noon and it was already 10 after. What was I going to do with all this ham?!
Then people started to show up for it and I got a little sick thinking I was going to have to eat a large plate sized piece of HBH all by myself after I already ate a can of soup. Around a quarter after, TS's left and the room was empty. I quickly sliced and shoveled ham bits into the Ziploc in my purse. Feeling satisfied and like a champion, I went back for a second piece. Immediately afterward, more people came in and the whole panic started over. The ham was good, don’t get me wrong, but it was a lot of ham. I established a plan. If I cut it into pieces now, I could shovel them in one by one when the other people weren’t looking. So, I did. And, it worked! Then, I had to figure out how to get the ham to my car where it could be kept cold without letting up to the amount of ham I actually took. I sneakily placed the bag of ham in my coat pocket at my desk (where my Middle Manager sits while I’m at lunch) which I giggled about all the way to my car. The ham is safe.

A note on TS’s. They’re Christian which is only important to note because they talk about mission trips a lot. Not just between them but to other employees. Today, I overhead Mrs. Southerner say “there’s so much opportunity there!” about some impoverished country they were going to visit. I think she realized what she said and tried to cover it up with “we have so much we can… do… you know?” It just reiterates to me that mission trips are not about helping people unless helping means religious conversion.