Scene: JD and I are watching "Angels and Demons" the movie has just said something in Latin.
JD: Ahhh Vacante. Of course.
Me: What does Vicante mean?
JD: Vacant. of course.
Me: Well, it sounds a lot like picante.... Picante means small.... Picante. Vicante.
Jd: Vacante, Shu. Vacant
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Advise for sale
I just noticed in a spam comment someone posted: "Always read something that will make you look good just in case you die in the middle of it."
That is sound advise. Should be sandwiched between "always carry cash, just in case" and "wear clean underwear."
That is sound advise. Should be sandwiched between "always carry cash, just in case" and "wear clean underwear."
Book Review Thursday
I’m currently taking a break from David Sedaris (who I endorse, BTW) and am reading Water for Elephants. This book was written by a woman and is narrated, first person, by a man. I do not endorse this.
I have been irritated by novels written by one gender, and narrated in first person by another since I was a teen and read Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone. That book follows a grown man’s idea of the disappointments of a fat girl. I had many issues with this 1 being a girl 2 being fat and 3 being a fat girl. The book was terrible. The problem seemed to be that a man cannot accurately internalize and then transcribe the inner thoughts and feelings of a woman, or the order in which they are processed. The entire novel, I felt, reflected a man mocking the “difficulty” involved in being a fat girl.
Water for Elephants is different as it is a woman’s representation of the life of a man. So far, I’m not impressed. I took the recomendation from a girl I worked with for a while. I asked what kind of books she liked and what kind she didn't like to try and form an educated judgement on her taste. I purchased this book anyway. It won awards and was on great books lists. I think it's kind of sucky. Maybe the plot is really amazing later on and it develops wonderfully, but the writing I've read so far is a little boring. It's entertaining enough, and I'll keep plodding along, but I won't keep it in my "forever" book collection.
I have been irritated by novels written by one gender, and narrated in first person by another since I was a teen and read Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone. That book follows a grown man’s idea of the disappointments of a fat girl. I had many issues with this 1 being a girl 2 being fat and 3 being a fat girl. The book was terrible. The problem seemed to be that a man cannot accurately internalize and then transcribe the inner thoughts and feelings of a woman, or the order in which they are processed. The entire novel, I felt, reflected a man mocking the “difficulty” involved in being a fat girl.
Water for Elephants is different as it is a woman’s representation of the life of a man. So far, I’m not impressed. I took the recomendation from a girl I worked with for a while. I asked what kind of books she liked and what kind she didn't like to try and form an educated judgement on her taste. I purchased this book anyway. It won awards and was on great books lists. I think it's kind of sucky. Maybe the plot is really amazing later on and it develops wonderfully, but the writing I've read so far is a little boring. It's entertaining enough, and I'll keep plodding along, but I won't keep it in my "forever" book collection.
Work life
7/21
Dear Diary,
The other day I found out I was excluded from an email that contained details regarding a part of my job I had, unknowingly, been doing wrong.
Today, I recieved 5 e-mails regarding the Donuts Lorenzo brought in.
*Update: Donut emails totaled 8 by mid morning.
7/22
Dear Diary,
At work, we are required to make notes regarding everything we do on an order. Sometimes, people don’t note things fully. Case in point: I noticed no one had called on a past due report. So I called. The first phone number directed me to a 2nd number stating that the 1st number was having issues. I hung up and called the 2nd number. It rang a few times, and then beeped in a rhythm and then made a flat line sound and disconnected. I went back to the first number and took my chances leaving a voice mail. Just to make sure, I emailed the person as well. I received and automated email that the person didn’t receive emails from unknown senders, and that I was an unknown sender. So I went through this link and this form to explain that I am qualified to send this guy an email and it eventually goes through. The guy emails me back and I reply... only to be spam blocked again! Ugh
Dear Diary,
The other day I found out I was excluded from an email that contained details regarding a part of my job I had, unknowingly, been doing wrong.
Today, I recieved 5 e-mails regarding the Donuts Lorenzo brought in.
*Update: Donut emails totaled 8 by mid morning.
7/22
Dear Diary,
At work, we are required to make notes regarding everything we do on an order. Sometimes, people don’t note things fully. Case in point: I noticed no one had called on a past due report. So I called. The first phone number directed me to a 2nd number stating that the 1st number was having issues. I hung up and called the 2nd number. It rang a few times, and then beeped in a rhythm and then made a flat line sound and disconnected. I went back to the first number and took my chances leaving a voice mail. Just to make sure, I emailed the person as well. I received and automated email that the person didn’t receive emails from unknown senders, and that I was an unknown sender. So I went through this link and this form to explain that I am qualified to send this guy an email and it eventually goes through. The guy emails me back and I reply... only to be spam blocked again! Ugh
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Live Blogging a Movie Experience
Scene: JD and I are at the drive-in. Inception had ended and we were watching Eclipse. It was the part where Kristen Stewart is trying to get into Edward's pants. Edward says something about how he wants to protect her and her virtue.
Me: How come you didn't try and protect MY virtue?
JD: Riiiiiiiight
(after 20 seconds, I realize "riiiiiiight" meant "what virtue?"
Me: Touche.
Me: How come you didn't try and protect MY virtue?
JD: Riiiiiiiight
(after 20 seconds, I realize "riiiiiiight" meant "what virtue?"
Me: Touche.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Status updates by day (Pt. 3)
July 19, 2010
Dear Diary,
One of m boyfriend’s finer qualities is his inclination to pay more money for things. 70% of the time I find this either wasteful or unnecessary. I am not that kind of person. I will buy something just because it costs less. 50% of the time this is a reasonable idea. However, half the time I end up with something crappy and if I had just paid 30 cents more, I would have something not as crappy. Enter Aveeno lotion. I love Aveeno lotion. I endorse it. It is very expensive and totally worth it. Unfortunately, the “scented” varieties cost less than the original kind which has no scent. I am a fool as this has screwed me twice now.*
Recently, I went to WalMart to buy some more Aveeno. And of course I am an idiot because the “Stress Relief” lotion cost 30 cents less than the original. 30 cents. I wouldn’t even clip a coupon if it was only 30 cents off. Not even if I was going to use it at Kroger where they double coupons less than 50 cents. It smells like a clean diaper. Which is a fabulous smell if you have a baby, I understand. It’s just not a fabulous smell for a work cubicle.
*Once I bought Aveeno on sale at Target. It was on sale because it had a “Menthol” scent. It. Was. Horrible. And I used every last drop because that shit costs $7 a bottle.
Dear Diary,
One of m boyfriend’s finer qualities is his inclination to pay more money for things. 70% of the time I find this either wasteful or unnecessary. I am not that kind of person. I will buy something just because it costs less. 50% of the time this is a reasonable idea. However, half the time I end up with something crappy and if I had just paid 30 cents more, I would have something not as crappy. Enter Aveeno lotion. I love Aveeno lotion. I endorse it. It is very expensive and totally worth it. Unfortunately, the “scented” varieties cost less than the original kind which has no scent. I am a fool as this has screwed me twice now.*
Recently, I went to WalMart to buy some more Aveeno. And of course I am an idiot because the “Stress Relief” lotion cost 30 cents less than the original. 30 cents. I wouldn’t even clip a coupon if it was only 30 cents off. Not even if I was going to use it at Kroger where they double coupons less than 50 cents. It smells like a clean diaper. Which is a fabulous smell if you have a baby, I understand. It’s just not a fabulous smell for a work cubicle.
*Once I bought Aveeno on sale at Target. It was on sale because it had a “Menthol” scent. It. Was. Horrible. And I used every last drop because that shit costs $7 a bottle.
Status update by day (Pt. 2)
July 14, 2010
Dear Diary,
There is a slushie machine at work. It hasn’t been filled since I started a few days ago, but it was functioning today. And since I was having an odd day, I got one. It was peach Faygo (??) and some white Faygo. It tasted like college.
I have my first work complaint…. !!! The “team” is sectioned off into “regions” I am in a region with a very nice girl and a lady who has already “reprimanded” me more than once. This morning, she had obviously been talking about me to her neighbor and when I walked up the aisle, she turned to the other woman and said, “is this AO?” I said, “huh? Yeah?” and then she proceeded to tell me that I am to ask her or the other girl in our region questions and not other people (ie the women who sit around me) because each region is handled differently. The entire time, she was texting. After I said “ok, yeah” multiple times and she finished her speech, she said “oh! My name is S”.
Well fabulous.
Yesterday, I noticed that a lot of the orders I was looking at were ones she had not called on. Today, I noticed more of the same thing and in the 100+ orders I looked at, I only saw 2 where she actually called. There’s also another program that allows us to report problems with orders. However, no one will see our problem under a certain status. Today, I noticed that she tended to post issues under this useless status. So I spent part of my day e-mailing on some of her outstanding issues. I’m starting to feel like I’m picking up after her. This seems odd seeing as it’s my 4th day and she’s someone others have referred to as “been here a while.”
July 16, 2010
Dear Diary,
Message in order:
"The _____ spoke to the _____ and he did not want to schedule a time for the ______ to inspect the property. He said that he needed to make sure certain items were taken care of first before scheduling a time."
My thought:
"....does he have to move the bodies?"
Dear Diary,
There is a slushie machine at work. It hasn’t been filled since I started a few days ago, but it was functioning today. And since I was having an odd day, I got one. It was peach Faygo (??) and some white Faygo. It tasted like college.
I have my first work complaint…. !!! The “team” is sectioned off into “regions” I am in a region with a very nice girl and a lady who has already “reprimanded” me more than once. This morning, she had obviously been talking about me to her neighbor and when I walked up the aisle, she turned to the other woman and said, “is this AO?” I said, “huh? Yeah?” and then she proceeded to tell me that I am to ask her or the other girl in our region questions and not other people (ie the women who sit around me) because each region is handled differently. The entire time, she was texting. After I said “ok, yeah” multiple times and she finished her speech, she said “oh! My name is S”.
Well fabulous.
Yesterday, I noticed that a lot of the orders I was looking at were ones she had not called on. Today, I noticed more of the same thing and in the 100+ orders I looked at, I only saw 2 where she actually called. There’s also another program that allows us to report problems with orders. However, no one will see our problem under a certain status. Today, I noticed that she tended to post issues under this useless status. So I spent part of my day e-mailing on some of her outstanding issues. I’m starting to feel like I’m picking up after her. This seems odd seeing as it’s my 4th day and she’s someone others have referred to as “been here a while.”
July 16, 2010
Dear Diary,
Message in order:
"The _____ spoke to the _____ and he did not want to schedule a time for the ______ to inspect the property. He said that he needed to make sure certain items were taken care of first before scheduling a time."
My thought:
"....does he have to move the bodies?"
Status update by day
July 12, 2010
Dear Diary,
The entire 2nd floor of this building smells like bacon. I work on the 3rd, and opening the door to the stairs is like walking into a diner and free bacon day.
I tried to wear my “work” shoes today. My toe nails are too long and continuously caught on the inside part of the shoe. Scrapping the shoe and pulling my nail. I changed back into my flip flops at lunch. My feet were not prepared for business casual dress.
I got my official desk today and it wasn’t fully cleaned out. There are empty soda and Red Bull cans in one of the cabinets. Left over headphones, and lanyard (score!) in another. The previous sitter’s job manual, and various left papers. Most disgustingly, though, was the headset for the phone had crusties in the ear piece and had some hairs stuck to it. The previous sitter worked in a different department causing my computer setting to be mildly off. I spent the morning getting new ear phone foam bits and getting the phone changed so I can use it with my extension. I still have to contact someone about getting the correct printer settings. Also, I would like to spray the area down with Lysol.
Questions I have been asked today that have dumbfounded me:
Where are you located?
What row are you in?
Could you tell me your computer name?
Tomorrow is Retro clothing day. Ok that’s not a question, but same idea applies.
Dear Diary,
The entire 2nd floor of this building smells like bacon. I work on the 3rd, and opening the door to the stairs is like walking into a diner and free bacon day.
I tried to wear my “work” shoes today. My toe nails are too long and continuously caught on the inside part of the shoe. Scrapping the shoe and pulling my nail. I changed back into my flip flops at lunch. My feet were not prepared for business casual dress.
I got my official desk today and it wasn’t fully cleaned out. There are empty soda and Red Bull cans in one of the cabinets. Left over headphones, and lanyard (score!) in another. The previous sitter’s job manual, and various left papers. Most disgustingly, though, was the headset for the phone had crusties in the ear piece and had some hairs stuck to it. The previous sitter worked in a different department causing my computer setting to be mildly off. I spent the morning getting new ear phone foam bits and getting the phone changed so I can use it with my extension. I still have to contact someone about getting the correct printer settings. Also, I would like to spray the area down with Lysol.
Questions I have been asked today that have dumbfounded me:
Where are you located?
What row are you in?
Could you tell me your computer name?
Tomorrow is Retro clothing day. Ok that’s not a question, but same idea applies.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Live Blogging my Boyfriend
(Scene: we are on the couch talking about what we may or may not have at our wedding when we eventualy get engaged)
JD: I want to shoot a basket. I want to run up on a ramp and shoot a basket and then say, "Shiet!"
Me: I've known you 2 years and I've never even seen you touch a basketball.
JD: Maybe I'll have you shoot the basketball and I'll just say "shiet!"
Me: I don't know who is more likely to get a basket, me in a dress or you.
JD: Are you commenting negatively on my basketball skills? You know, I played in 5th grade.
(at this point I was laughing so hard, I wasn't listening)
Me: Wait wait wait. Did you just say you stole the basketball from your own team and then scored a point for the opposing team?
JD: They didn't go in. I was wide open! I shot 4 times, none of them went in. I never played basketball again. In an act of irony, my mom set up a basketball net at the house only after I stopped going to practice.
JD: I want to shoot a basket. I want to run up on a ramp and shoot a basket and then say, "Shiet!"
Me: I've known you 2 years and I've never even seen you touch a basketball.
JD: Maybe I'll have you shoot the basketball and I'll just say "shiet!"
Me: I don't know who is more likely to get a basket, me in a dress or you.
JD: Are you commenting negatively on my basketball skills? You know, I played in 5th grade.
(at this point I was laughing so hard, I wasn't listening)
Me: Wait wait wait. Did you just say you stole the basketball from your own team and then scored a point for the opposing team?
JD: They didn't go in. I was wide open! I shot 4 times, none of them went in. I never played basketball again. In an act of irony, my mom set up a basketball net at the house only after I stopped going to practice.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Oh Nebraska. So easily forgotten.
Dear Universe,
I last spoke to you on Wednesday, June 30. I just wanted to compliment you on your speed. On Thursday, July 1, I received a call to come in for an interview. On Friday, July 2, I signed paperwork at my new job. On Tuesday, July 6, I went to my first day at my new job.
Bravo, Universe, bravo.
Had I know you were wearing your running shoes at the time of my request, I would have asked to win the lottery. But, not to complain or be unappreciative, I am very grateful for my sudden employment.
Keep in touch!
Love,
AO
I now work at a Mortgage Company.
My new job consists of checking to make sure appraisals have been done for the MC. This often requires me to check the state the appraisal office is in before calling since I am in the Eastern most time zone, everyone isn’t always awake and in the office at my 9am. Or, most places in my region have closed by 5pm. Having to do this has raised the awareness that I do not know my states based on initials alone. It has happened twice to me. Someone asked me what state the address was in. “Uhhh… MA?” I have no idea who MA is. Massachusetts? Maine? It was after 5pm and I had to call about an order in state NE. NE? New….. no. North….. no Neva... no. So I looked on the map behind me and I found it. Since the map behind me does not spell out the state name, and I seemed to have misplaced my 3rd grade geography lesson, I still have no clue whatsoever of this state. I have failed as an educated individual. It wasn't until I was driving home that Nebraska popped into my head. I blame Catholic school for not teaching up the song that helps you remember all the states and their capitols.
With my new job and it's seeming endlessness, I have decided to officially move in with my boyfriend. My dog and I already live in his house, but with about 10% of my actual stuff. While JD and I were discussing some minor logistics in the car, I made the statement that I meant moving in, "like with my bed and my shelves and all my stuff, stuff." At which point he made a distasteful just-ate-something-gross face. "Shelves? You know... moving is a good time to reevaluate your things and throw some stuff out."
Let me take you back. When JD moved, he didn't pack anything until the day before the move at which time, his mom and grandma started loading things into boxes and directing everyone else how it should be done. He had intended on evaluating his stuff while he packed, but with the matriarchs in control, most junk slipped through and ended up at the house. In the basement. In boxes that have yet to be gone through and evaluated. Also in the basement are enough empty boxes to build a Thanksgiving Day float. (Though, now that I think of it, those boxes will be useful in packing up all my stuff). Which have only slowly been evaluated on their resale and useful value.
I think this will be interesting.
Yesterday in the car, I was complaining about my knee and how it has been hurting while I run. Which lead me into my hip and how it gives out occasionally.
Me: "I'm aging too quickly. I'm like the reverse Benjamin Button!"
JD: "That's everyone."
Me: "... but not with the speed at which I am disintegrating!"
I last spoke to you on Wednesday, June 30. I just wanted to compliment you on your speed. On Thursday, July 1, I received a call to come in for an interview. On Friday, July 2, I signed paperwork at my new job. On Tuesday, July 6, I went to my first day at my new job.
Bravo, Universe, bravo.
Had I know you were wearing your running shoes at the time of my request, I would have asked to win the lottery. But, not to complain or be unappreciative, I am very grateful for my sudden employment.
Keep in touch!
Love,
AO
I now work at a Mortgage Company.
My new job consists of checking to make sure appraisals have been done for the MC. This often requires me to check the state the appraisal office is in before calling since I am in the Eastern most time zone, everyone isn’t always awake and in the office at my 9am. Or, most places in my region have closed by 5pm. Having to do this has raised the awareness that I do not know my states based on initials alone. It has happened twice to me. Someone asked me what state the address was in. “Uhhh… MA?” I have no idea who MA is. Massachusetts? Maine? It was after 5pm and I had to call about an order in state NE. NE? New….. no. North….. no Neva... no. So I looked on the map behind me and I found it. Since the map behind me does not spell out the state name, and I seemed to have misplaced my 3rd grade geography lesson, I still have no clue whatsoever of this state. I have failed as an educated individual. It wasn't until I was driving home that Nebraska popped into my head. I blame Catholic school for not teaching up the song that helps you remember all the states and their capitols.
With my new job and it's seeming endlessness, I have decided to officially move in with my boyfriend. My dog and I already live in his house, but with about 10% of my actual stuff. While JD and I were discussing some minor logistics in the car, I made the statement that I meant moving in, "like with my bed and my shelves and all my stuff, stuff." At which point he made a distasteful just-ate-something-gross face. "Shelves? You know... moving is a good time to reevaluate your things and throw some stuff out."
Let me take you back. When JD moved, he didn't pack anything until the day before the move at which time, his mom and grandma started loading things into boxes and directing everyone else how it should be done. He had intended on evaluating his stuff while he packed, but with the matriarchs in control, most junk slipped through and ended up at the house. In the basement. In boxes that have yet to be gone through and evaluated. Also in the basement are enough empty boxes to build a Thanksgiving Day float. (Though, now that I think of it, those boxes will be useful in packing up all my stuff). Which have only slowly been evaluated on their resale and useful value.
I think this will be interesting.
Yesterday in the car, I was complaining about my knee and how it has been hurting while I run. Which lead me into my hip and how it gives out occasionally.
Me: "I'm aging too quickly. I'm like the reverse Benjamin Button!"
JD: "That's everyone."
Me: "... but not with the speed at which I am disintegrating!"
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