JD was trying to convince me that he purchased a flashlight for me. (He also tried to convince me that I lost the one he was theoretically replacing until he found the "lost" flashlight in one of his storage drawers.) I tried to explain to him that him buying a flashlight that I can use is not him buying me a flashlight. #1 because I don't want a flashlight. #2 because neither me nor the house needs another flashlight. #3 because it's not for me; it's for him.
There's an episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball for her birthday. The ball is weighted for Homer, has finger holes to fit is sausage hands, and is engraved "Homer." She gets angry and to spite him, learns to bowl. And then considers having an affair with her bowling coach Jacques.
90% of my life can be summed up by an episode of The Simpsons.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Now that you mention it
I don't wear a lot of make-up. I wear it to work, when I work, but I'm not totally upset if I forget to put it on that day. I own a transparent face powder and mascara. For the occasional wedding, I add some eyeshadow I purchased in high school.
Freshman year of college, I was friends with a girl whose step-mom sold some brand of make-up for a living. So we had a make-up party. Only 6 people went, but we each got mini-make-overs which I thought was cool considering I spent a good portion of my junior high/high school years trying to convince my mom that I was old enough to wear foundation and glitter eyeshadow wasn't specifically for strippers and hookers.
--Side story: one time we were in Fashion Bug getting me an outfit for a field trip or picture day or something because I went to a Catholic school and owned nothing but hand-me-downs from my brother and strangers until I went to public high school. And at the check out was this 7 year old: eyes covered in glitter. I looked at my mom and asked her if she thought the little girl was a prostitute. She didn't think it was funny and STILL didn't let me wear glitter eyeshadow. Which probably explains why I was covered in spray glitter for every single high school dance. It's just so fancy and classy, right?--
OK so we're getting these make-overs in the basement of one of the dorms and this woman is telling us about the products. Someone asked about whether or not the product would make them breakout because they had sensitive skin. I will never forget; this saleswoman said that make-up actually clarifies your face because it brings all the impurities to the surface and pulls them out of your pores to be washed away.
I'm no dermatologist, but this seemed a little bullshitty. I'm a skeptic. I follow logic and reason. Her step-daughter only wore this make-up and fully believed it would clear up her skin, so I kept an eye on her acne for, like, 3 years. It never cleared up.
Take that Mary Kay!
Freshman year of college, I was friends with a girl whose step-mom sold some brand of make-up for a living. So we had a make-up party. Only 6 people went, but we each got mini-make-overs which I thought was cool considering I spent a good portion of my junior high/high school years trying to convince my mom that I was old enough to wear foundation and glitter eyeshadow wasn't specifically for strippers and hookers.
--Side story: one time we were in Fashion Bug getting me an outfit for a field trip or picture day or something because I went to a Catholic school and owned nothing but hand-me-downs from my brother and strangers until I went to public high school. And at the check out was this 7 year old: eyes covered in glitter. I looked at my mom and asked her if she thought the little girl was a prostitute. She didn't think it was funny and STILL didn't let me wear glitter eyeshadow. Which probably explains why I was covered in spray glitter for every single high school dance. It's just so fancy and classy, right?--
OK so we're getting these make-overs in the basement of one of the dorms and this woman is telling us about the products. Someone asked about whether or not the product would make them breakout because they had sensitive skin. I will never forget; this saleswoman said that make-up actually clarifies your face because it brings all the impurities to the surface and pulls them out of your pores to be washed away.
I'm no dermatologist, but this seemed a little bullshitty. I'm a skeptic. I follow logic and reason. Her step-daughter only wore this make-up and fully believed it would clear up her skin, so I kept an eye on her acne for, like, 3 years. It never cleared up.
Take that Mary Kay!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Low moments
I'm watching True Life: I Have Another Life on the Web. One of the supporting people said this:
"You're gonna fail sometimes. That's why they call it The Right One not The Right Twenty." Pretty much the only decent thing ever to be said by a woman smoking and wearing a tie-dyed shirt.
This morning, I played with Radar in the basement and then let her outside. Unfortunately, she didn't "wait" and made a run for it out the door. Sigh. Knowing if she thinks she can get away with it, she'll continue the unwanted behavior, I went outside to bring her in. In sweat pants and flip flops.... on the frosted grass. Obviously, she thought we were playing and ran around like a crazy person. I like to step on the cord and track her so she can only get so far. It's a method. A method that may not be meant for flip flops and slippery grass. The cord slipped, the dog continued to run, I may or may not have been tied up like some sort of livestock. People were walking on the path. I could totally see them watching and judging. "Oh, look at her. She can't train dogs. That dog has so much uncontrolled energy. They are nothing like me and my medium-sized-dog-who-walks-without-a-leash-and-never-jumps-or-attacks-anyone."
That's what their judging eyes always say.
I mean, I started to cry. Partially because the cord cut my foot and it REALLY hurt, partially because I felt like I did when I was a child and people would make fun of me. "Why you hittin' yourself? Why don't you stop tickling yourself? EVERYBODY HATES YOU!"
I was shamed by a mutt.
P.S. OHMYGODIHAVEANINTERVIEWTOMORROWIHOPEIDON'TCRYDURRINGIT.
"You're gonna fail sometimes. That's why they call it The Right One not The Right Twenty." Pretty much the only decent thing ever to be said by a woman smoking and wearing a tie-dyed shirt.
This morning, I played with Radar in the basement and then let her outside. Unfortunately, she didn't "wait" and made a run for it out the door. Sigh. Knowing if she thinks she can get away with it, she'll continue the unwanted behavior, I went outside to bring her in. In sweat pants and flip flops.... on the frosted grass. Obviously, she thought we were playing and ran around like a crazy person. I like to step on the cord and track her so she can only get so far. It's a method. A method that may not be meant for flip flops and slippery grass. The cord slipped, the dog continued to run, I may or may not have been tied up like some sort of livestock. People were walking on the path. I could totally see them watching and judging. "Oh, look at her. She can't train dogs. That dog has so much uncontrolled energy. They are nothing like me and my medium-sized-dog-who-walks-without-a-leash-and-never-jumps-or-attacks-anyone."
That's what their judging eyes always say.
I mean, I started to cry. Partially because the cord cut my foot and it REALLY hurt, partially because I felt like I did when I was a child and people would make fun of me. "Why you hittin' yourself? Why don't you stop tickling yourself? EVERYBODY HATES YOU!"
I was shamed by a mutt.
P.S. OHMYGODIHAVEANINTERVIEWTOMORROWIHOPEIDON'TCRYDURRINGIT.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Amazon or Psychic?
My mom LOVES Amazon.com. It's cute. She likes to go there and buy books. She likes that when she goes to "double-you double-you double-you dot amazon dot com" it says, "Welcome, DO!" I've always found it endearing. I, too, find Amazon to be the most amazing thing ever because you can buy books for $.75, spend $3 on shipping, and receive everything within 2 weeks. Less if you find an awesome seller which I am willing to search for.
But that's not my point. My point is, Amazon has scared me and I don't know how they haven't been connected to a Criminal Minds episode yet. Sometimes while I'm on the site, I like to click the "Recommended" button to see what's awesome. This is what Amazon thinks I will like:
1. A book by Lorrie Moore
2. 2012
3. Hurt Locker
4. Zombieland
Or, as I saw it:
1. Book I'm reading
2. - 4. Movies we rented in the last 7 days.
(OK I'm KIND OF lying. I am reading a book by Lorrie Moore, but not the one they recommended. And JD and I didn't rent 2012, but it's been on the list.) But it begs the question: Is Amazon connected to the Family Video?
After that, I scrolled up to see what other strange predictions Amazon could give me. It asked me to rate Star Trek which I purchased for JD for Christmas. Underneath was a button that said "Items you own (7)" And I realized Amazon is tracking my purchases.
Which seems pretty obvious to the frequent user who already knew that, but for some reason I thought the "Recommended" button linked you to stuff you had recently looked at and like items. I find it strange that there's a me in a virtual Amazon store who has a shopping cart and a wish list and when she goes to the check out, they ask her how she liked that $.50 copy of Slaughterhouse--Five and would she like to purchase the 17 books on her wish list? "You can do the quick check ouuuutttt" it taunts.
I'm intrigued, really. So I scrolled up some more and there were more recommendations. Except this time they included unlike items.
But that's not my point. My point is, Amazon has scared me and I don't know how they haven't been connected to a Criminal Minds episode yet. Sometimes while I'm on the site, I like to click the "Recommended" button to see what's awesome. This is what Amazon thinks I will like:
1. A book by Lorrie Moore
2. 2012
3. Hurt Locker
4. Zombieland
Or, as I saw it:
1. Book I'm reading
2. - 4. Movies we rented in the last 7 days.
(OK I'm KIND OF lying. I am reading a book by Lorrie Moore, but not the one they recommended. And JD and I didn't rent 2012, but it's been on the list.) But it begs the question: Is Amazon connected to the Family Video?
After that, I scrolled up to see what other strange predictions Amazon could give me. It asked me to rate Star Trek which I purchased for JD for Christmas. Underneath was a button that said "Items you own (7)" And I realized Amazon is tracking my purchases.
Which seems pretty obvious to the frequent user who already knew that, but for some reason I thought the "Recommended" button linked you to stuff you had recently looked at and like items. I find it strange that there's a me in a virtual Amazon store who has a shopping cart and a wish list and when she goes to the check out, they ask her how she liked that $.50 copy of Slaughterhouse--Five and would she like to purchase the 17 books on her wish list? "You can do the quick check ouuuutttt" it taunts.
I'm intrigued, really. So I scrolled up some more and there were more recommendations. Except this time they included unlike items.
OHMYGOD IS THAT A PREGNANCY TEST?! I DON'T WANT FERTILE CERVICAL MUCUS!!! I find the combination off-putting. A woman trying to get pregnant wants an ab roller and the Transformers movie? Unlikely, Amazon, unlikely. That's only page 1 of 35, people. Whatever math-problem/science-experiment Amazon is using doesn't seem to be cross checking it's data.
Although, on page 7, there's a sweet combo of psychology, psycho-pharm, social behavior books, that new James Bond movie, and an alarm sounding door jam. For the intelligentista who wants to moonlight as a ninja.
There's a fact-checker somewhere in Japan waiting to be fired.
Friday, March 26, 2010
How much do Bubbes make a year?
I WISH I was Jewish. I was always intimidated by bread because it takes so much time and muscle. JD's mom bought him a KitchenAid mixer for Christmas, and I freaking love it. It does... oh... all the work.BTW, that's my first Challah. I only made one despite the recipes that wanted me to use 10 cups of flour. You can have some; just watch out for the aluminum foil bits I couldn't scrape off.
B(re)aking bread
Something I think is unbelievably arrogant and lame: People who quote themselves.
Offenders: Geoffrey Fieger. Some blog I found on accident which influenced me to write this.
The Blog Lady I found literally wrote something "inspirational" and then wrote her name underneath it. It was lame.
Fieger Law.. Oh. I hate Geoffrey Fieger. An unnecessary amount for an unnecessary reason. In his commercials, he quotes "If you don't stand for something, you end up standing for nothing." This general theme is quoted from Alex Hamilton:"Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything," and Aaron Tippin: "You've got to stand or something, or you'll fall for anything." Geoff's sounds bad. "You end up standing for nothing"
You can call him to represent you in a court of law, you know.
I keep seeing commericals to sell "Mark" and also job postings for Avon. I can only imagine trying to sell make-up. It would probably be like every fund raiser I've ever done where I end up buying the whole thing myself and potentially eating 20 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
When Avon starts to sell Girl Scout Cookies, I'll sign up.
Offenders: Geoffrey Fieger. Some blog I found on accident which influenced me to write this.
The Blog Lady I found literally wrote something "inspirational" and then wrote her name underneath it. It was lame.
Fieger Law.. Oh. I hate Geoffrey Fieger. An unnecessary amount for an unnecessary reason. In his commercials, he quotes "If you don't stand for something, you end up standing for nothing." This general theme is quoted from Alex Hamilton:"Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything," and Aaron Tippin: "You've got to stand or something, or you'll fall for anything." Geoff's sounds bad. "You end up standing for nothing"
You can call him to represent you in a court of law, you know.
I keep seeing commericals to sell "Mark" and also job postings for Avon. I can only imagine trying to sell make-up. It would probably be like every fund raiser I've ever done where I end up buying the whole thing myself and potentially eating 20 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
When Avon starts to sell Girl Scout Cookies, I'll sign up.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I'll be faster than Lance Armstrong in no time
Yesterday, I biked a marathon. I should have done it today since yesterday had amazing weather and today is fairly depressing. It took me over an hour and a half, which pales in comparison to the Biggest Loser times. I don't have any reasons or excuses. Except maybe these: I have not been training athletically for 2 months; I was not riding the bike for $10,000. (I'm just sayin')
In other news, I'm a fabulous cook. You don't even know. My next project will be Wonton Tacos. They'll be better than Applebees, I guarantee.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Biggest Loser
I love fat people. I love fat people working towards losing weight. I love fat people in simple challenges that they have extreme difficulty with because of their size.
The Biggest Loser? I watch it from time to time. Or, you know, religiously. I hated the Red Team. The Red Team man ate 17 cupcakes to add time to other players in a bike challenge. SEVENTEEN CUPCAKES. So you'd think he would lose like +3 pounds right? Each cupcake was 100 calories. That's 1,700 calories of cupcakes. That's close to if not more than his allowed caloric intake for the day. The man lost 8 pounds. I almost vomited. 17 CUPCAKES people.
They had to ride a stationary bike for 26.2 miles. JD bet I could do it in under 2 hours. I'm going to try tomorrow.
And then I'm gonna eat 17 cupcakes and lose 8 pounds.
JUST YOU WAIT JILLIAN!
The Biggest Loser? I watch it from time to time. Or, you know, religiously. I hated the Red Team. The Red Team man ate 17 cupcakes to add time to other players in a bike challenge. SEVENTEEN CUPCAKES. So you'd think he would lose like +3 pounds right? Each cupcake was 100 calories. That's 1,700 calories of cupcakes. That's close to if not more than his allowed caloric intake for the day. The man lost 8 pounds. I almost vomited. 17 CUPCAKES people.
They had to ride a stationary bike for 26.2 miles. JD bet I could do it in under 2 hours. I'm going to try tomorrow.
And then I'm gonna eat 17 cupcakes and lose 8 pounds.
JUST YOU WAIT JILLIAN!
FTW
Since my attempt at an organized, money-saving, productive morning was pretty much a forgetful, expensive, productive morning, I figured I'd try and do something I couldn't actually fail at.
This means "I love you"
Not pictured: Boons Farm
We went grocery shopping in the evening and JD bought all of this.
Me: Are we having a party?
JD: Yeah. Invite your friends.
Me: None of my friends would come.
JD: I don't think mine would either.
Scratch-offs
I made some motherfuckingpie from scratch. I forgot the lemon and forgot to defrost the blueberries and forgot to put butter on top. I never said I was Martha. Also, I ate, like, the whole thing by myself.
These are my peeps
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thinking about dinner
Lots of things have happened and to be completely honest, the reason I never posted photos before wasn't because I didn't know how/didn't have a camera/didn't take photos. It's because I'm just that lazy. Maybe tomorrow I won't be.
I made blueberry pie from scratch and frozen blueberries.
I went to a college hockey game.
I cooked lots of various foods that were delicious when I consumed them.
Big Girls, Small Kitchen ( http://www.biggirlssmallkitchen.com/ ) provides some really good recipes. Not Food Network shit with some awkward vegetable that you have to flavor with saffron ("yes, it's expensive, but you only need a pinch, and it adds so much flavor!"). They cook things you can get strangers to eat. A while back I was looking through their recipe page and I found succotash which I then tried to make without the recipe. It was still good! I didn't have all the ingredients and used the wrong herbs, but it went well with rice. That's what I like. A base. A new idea. They took that recipe, changed the herbs (closer to what I had made) and put them in a taco. Pretty much my life. If there was a suggestion box, I would add "spinach quesadillas". Similar to their succotash, you replace the edamame with spinach and voila!
So, yeah, later I'll be more vivid.
I made blueberry pie from scratch and frozen blueberries.
I went to a college hockey game.
I cooked lots of various foods that were delicious when I consumed them.
Big Girls, Small Kitchen ( http://www.biggirlssmallkitchen.com/ ) provides some really good recipes. Not Food Network shit with some awkward vegetable that you have to flavor with saffron ("yes, it's expensive, but you only need a pinch, and it adds so much flavor!"). They cook things you can get strangers to eat. A while back I was looking through their recipe page and I found succotash which I then tried to make without the recipe. It was still good! I didn't have all the ingredients and used the wrong herbs, but it went well with rice. That's what I like. A base. A new idea. They took that recipe, changed the herbs (closer to what I had made) and put them in a taco. Pretty much my life. If there was a suggestion box, I would add "spinach quesadillas". Similar to their succotash, you replace the edamame with spinach and voila!
So, yeah, later I'll be more vivid.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Just one moment
As I was walking up the stiars, I glanced out the window and witnessed the father of one of the people living across the street outside on the phone waiting for the dog to pee. Whish is fine. Except the moment I looked out, he had separated his winter coat to reveal nothing but pajama bottoms which he was in the act of pulling up... into a shirt!
Ew.
Ew.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Live blogging a recession
When I was working and no one was calling me about new jobs no matter how many I applied to, I thought it was because I had a job and who wants to hire someone who is working when they can hire someone who is not? Now that I don't have a job and STILL no one is calling me about new jobs, I'm starting to wonder if it's me. It reminds me of the 7th grade when everybody hated me. I was standing in a circle of girls outside during recess and one by one every girl left until I was standing there alone.
That year, my mom took me to go see Harriet The Spy in the theater and I cried through the entire thing. SOBBED for an hour because the kids were so mean to Harriet. And when Rosie O'Donnell has to leave her? Forget it.
And you thought I ate myself fat because I didn't have healthy habits. HA.
That year, my mom took me to go see Harriet The Spy in the theater and I cried through the entire thing. SOBBED for an hour because the kids were so mean to Harriet. And when Rosie O'Donnell has to leave her? Forget it.
And you thought I ate myself fat because I didn't have healthy habits. HA.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
St. Patrick's Day in 3 easy paragraphs
I was sitting on the couch looking for jobs and I heard a squeak. Just one. All I thought was, "you... shouldn't... haveanythingthatsqueaks!" Radar was chewing my flip flop. Le sigh.
Do you ever take extra time on something or change your mind after you've done something and end up starting over? Do you then wonder if there is an alternate universe you who is far more efficient and has more time?
On my walk with Tagen today, I saw a trashed chicken nugget lunchable box in the woods behind a school. I have to admit that my first storyline for this empty box was of a fat child whose parent(s) had put them on a diet and the child picked up the lunchable from CVS or something and was hiding in the woods to eat it.
I would never be a good detective because my default answer is always: Fat Kid. Not once did I think a trashed lunchable in the woods could be anything other than a morbidly obese 9 year old well on their way to becoming a TLC special.
Do you ever take extra time on something or change your mind after you've done something and end up starting over? Do you then wonder if there is an alternate universe you who is far more efficient and has more time?
On my walk with Tagen today, I saw a trashed chicken nugget lunchable box in the woods behind a school. I have to admit that my first storyline for this empty box was of a fat child whose parent(s) had put them on a diet and the child picked up the lunchable from CVS or something and was hiding in the woods to eat it.
I would never be a good detective because my default answer is always: Fat Kid. Not once did I think a trashed lunchable in the woods could be anything other than a morbidly obese 9 year old well on their way to becoming a TLC special.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Makin' my nails grow strong!
JD: We can make some fruit-pouri!
Me: .... fruit-puree?
JD: That's what I said. Fruit-Pouri!
Me: Get on top
JD: I'm flyin' WEE!
Me: This isn't turning me on.
JD: WEEE! I'm flyin', Shu!
JD: LOOK! The Creeper is Bar-B-Queing! I hope that's his normal cooking spot!
His grill can be seen from the couch. It's a great viewing spot.
It's been quite the day. I went out and ate free samples but I went too early and it was a lame group:
1 sushi at Kroger
1 hospitality doughnut hole from Busch's
1 bit of ham from Busch's
Now that I know how to post pictures, this blog may be a little less blog-novella and and a little more children's book illustrated by JD's camera.
Alton Brown had a Good Eats episode about his weight loss and he made a sardine open faced sandwich. He listed all the health benefits of sardines and I was sold. So I bought some and tried to make the sandwich.
Never again. I wasted half of a great avacado on that. Maybe if I had used a stronger bread. It was like 90% oil. I would post the recipe, but it's not good. Not. Good. I even tried to put mayo on it... no help. It was like eating feet.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Appetizer and dessert
Just to start, I wish I owned a Snuggie. I have a fleece blanket around my lower half... but my arms are cold despite my long sleeves.
Now on to the main course:
There is some back story to my ice cream story. I'm lactose intolerant. I didn't find "lactose pills" until I was 18 or 19. I still ate ice cream, but it made me sick and poop. I would eat superman ice cream on occasion. Orange sherbet was a favorite. If my dad went to Dairy Queen, I always got a twist in a cup. In college (some of my fattest days, I believe) I figured out how to use the on campus convenience stores with my "flex" money. There, I found my beloved:
OMGITWASSOGOOD. Sadly, it WAS. They discontinued it sometime around my junior year those bastards. I LOVED that ice cream. It made me sick and I still ate half of it in an evening and the other half the next day and wanted more. If that ice cream had made bits of my legs fall off... this couch would be a wheelchair and I would have no regrets.
Last year Starbucks came out with chocolates. Or at least, I found them last year. I held off buying the Caramel Macchiato ones until they went on sale. They never went on sale. Sometimes after Christmas, I found them for less at Big Lots. They were a minor disappointment.
Starbucks also makes ice cream and just like the coffee, it's a bit much for a pint. Last night, it was on sale for $2 at Walmart. I rock-paper-scissored JD over it and I bought it.
OMGITISSOGOOD! It's just like One Sweet Whirled except it doesn't have marshmallow which, if we're being honest here, was always a wash. Go to Walmart and spend the $2 because you will not be disappointed.
Now on to the main course:
There is some back story to my ice cream story. I'm lactose intolerant. I didn't find "lactose pills" until I was 18 or 19. I still ate ice cream, but it made me sick and poop. I would eat superman ice cream on occasion. Orange sherbet was a favorite. If my dad went to Dairy Queen, I always got a twist in a cup. In college (some of my fattest days, I believe) I figured out how to use the on campus convenience stores with my "flex" money. There, I found my beloved:
OMGITWASSOGOOD. Sadly, it WAS. They discontinued it sometime around my junior year those bastards. I LOVED that ice cream. It made me sick and I still ate half of it in an evening and the other half the next day and wanted more. If that ice cream had made bits of my legs fall off... this couch would be a wheelchair and I would have no regrets.
Last year Starbucks came out with chocolates. Or at least, I found them last year. I held off buying the Caramel Macchiato ones until they went on sale. They never went on sale. Sometimes after Christmas, I found them for less at Big Lots. They were a minor disappointment.
Starbucks also makes ice cream and just like the coffee, it's a bit much for a pint. Last night, it was on sale for $2 at Walmart. I rock-paper-scissored JD over it and I bought it.
OMGITISSOGOOD! It's just like One Sweet Whirled except it doesn't have marshmallow which, if we're being honest here, was always a wash. Go to Walmart and spend the $2 because you will not be disappointed.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I get all my news from The View and The Today Show and NPR
Apparently, Howard Stern said the Precious star is too fat for Hollywood. People are pissed and are disputing it. Really? Really? You're going to disagree? I was listening to a interview on NPR with the director of the movie. He said he told his casting director he wanted a 300 pound girl and the other line went silent. There simply weren't actors of that size on the docket. Also, the mom of the movie was supposed to be larger than the daughter. But they hired Mo'Nique despite her smaller size. I'm pretty sure they couldn't find an even larger actress. Let's be real here people. Just because it's wrong doesn't mean it's not true. Lots of things are wrong and shouldn't happen and shouldn't be true... but the fact is... they're true!
That skinny chick who does events with Ryan Seacrest and has her own show with her husband wants to have a baby. I haven't watched all the episodes, but I did watch the one where they babysat for 24 hours, didn't get any work or anything done, did it all the next day sans children, and said they could handle their lives as they are now with children in them. That's the shit you hear on 16 and Pregnant. Her Dr. told her she needed to gain 10 pounds for her body to be ready for a baby. She has stated in interviews that she is wary about trying to gain 5. Maybe she has body image issues or an eating disorder. Or maybe she has clauses in her contract that say she cannot get fat. I wouldn't be surprised.
The womanly image of Hollywood has changed over time, indeed. But just because curves are mildly more acceptable nowadays doesn't mean a 300 pound actress is going to be inundated with job offers.
On TV and in Movies men can be fat, women can't. Unless they're losing weight. What Howard Stern said was mean. But that doesn't mean it wasn't true. I didn't see the movie. I'm sure she's a wonderful actress. But I'm also positive that if she hadn't been in that movie with those other big name stars, no one would give 2 shits about her.
Eventually, The View started naming all the fat lady actress. I think they named them all on one hand. Even those women, except maybe one, have never been 300 pounds. Even in plus sized modeling, there is a weight limit. Then they all got pissed because Howard Stern said Precious would end up killing herself being fat. Obesity is a cause of death. I agree! Being famous doesn't mean you're healthy and immune to death. Tons of famous people die from being unhealthy! You can't say that being morbidly obese is healthy!
I love fat people. I love that it's taboo to think food is addictive. I love that when someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic, no one goes on tv to say that what they're doing is OK and we shouldn't criticize them for being different. I hope I'm still alive when morbidly obese people go on Intervention.
As a side note, oh Heidi Montag. LOL
That skinny chick who does events with Ryan Seacrest and has her own show with her husband wants to have a baby. I haven't watched all the episodes, but I did watch the one where they babysat for 24 hours, didn't get any work or anything done, did it all the next day sans children, and said they could handle their lives as they are now with children in them. That's the shit you hear on 16 and Pregnant. Her Dr. told her she needed to gain 10 pounds for her body to be ready for a baby. She has stated in interviews that she is wary about trying to gain 5. Maybe she has body image issues or an eating disorder. Or maybe she has clauses in her contract that say she cannot get fat. I wouldn't be surprised.
The womanly image of Hollywood has changed over time, indeed. But just because curves are mildly more acceptable nowadays doesn't mean a 300 pound actress is going to be inundated with job offers.
On TV and in Movies men can be fat, women can't. Unless they're losing weight. What Howard Stern said was mean. But that doesn't mean it wasn't true. I didn't see the movie. I'm sure she's a wonderful actress. But I'm also positive that if she hadn't been in that movie with those other big name stars, no one would give 2 shits about her.
Eventually, The View started naming all the fat lady actress. I think they named them all on one hand. Even those women, except maybe one, have never been 300 pounds. Even in plus sized modeling, there is a weight limit. Then they all got pissed because Howard Stern said Precious would end up killing herself being fat. Obesity is a cause of death. I agree! Being famous doesn't mean you're healthy and immune to death. Tons of famous people die from being unhealthy! You can't say that being morbidly obese is healthy!
I love fat people. I love that it's taboo to think food is addictive. I love that when someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic, no one goes on tv to say that what they're doing is OK and we shouldn't criticize them for being different. I hope I'm still alive when morbidly obese people go on Intervention.
As a side note, oh Heidi Montag. LOL
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
TMI
The View is talking about periods.
It's gonna be a great post!
First, they listed nick-names and then made me feel bad about giving it nick-names because that seems to "cover it up."
Then, they said that WAY long ago, people blamed the uterus for everything. If anything was wrong with a woman... it was her uterus. I DO THE SAME THING! No matter what is wrong, it's either a problem generated by my birth control or my lady bits.
I kind of want to read this book. "Flow", BTW.
Doctors talk about how there is no medical need for a period. I'll agree, because Michelle Duggar probably hasn't had a period since 1982. Women are meant to have babies and having babies means there is no period to be had. However, it seems rather convenient to ignore the bit about the CONSTANT HORMONES. Maybe it's not necessary to have a period every month or every 3 months. But, perhaps, it's a little dangerous to stop that period with synthetic hormones. Not even the good ones! The cheap, generic, synthetic hormones.
I still love seeing the Mirena posters at the PP. The commercial doesn't describe what it does so I'm mildly convinced it's a blender. They stick it in your uterus and it acts like a food processor on your eggs and lining. The blender theory would actually get me to consider it. I think it's just more hormones, though. Lame.
It's gonna be a great post!
First, they listed nick-names and then made me feel bad about giving it nick-names because that seems to "cover it up."
Then, they said that WAY long ago, people blamed the uterus for everything. If anything was wrong with a woman... it was her uterus. I DO THE SAME THING! No matter what is wrong, it's either a problem generated by my birth control or my lady bits.
I kind of want to read this book. "Flow", BTW.
Doctors talk about how there is no medical need for a period. I'll agree, because Michelle Duggar probably hasn't had a period since 1982. Women are meant to have babies and having babies means there is no period to be had. However, it seems rather convenient to ignore the bit about the CONSTANT HORMONES. Maybe it's not necessary to have a period every month or every 3 months. But, perhaps, it's a little dangerous to stop that period with synthetic hormones. Not even the good ones! The cheap, generic, synthetic hormones.
I still love seeing the Mirena posters at the PP. The commercial doesn't describe what it does so I'm mildly convinced it's a blender. They stick it in your uterus and it acts like a food processor on your eggs and lining. The blender theory would actually get me to consider it. I think it's just more hormones, though. Lame.
Monday, March 8, 2010
My love isn't arbitrary
Me: I love you.
JD: how much?
Me: 5 Cowboys.
JD: 5 Arbitrary Units of Measure?
Me: No, 5 cowboys!
JD: Those are arbitrary units of measure.
Me: It's no fun if you call them that!
JD: I love you 5 dead raccoons.
Me: I'm blogging this.
JD: Make sure you add the part about the arbitrary units of measure.
Me: Way to micro manage my blog post.
"I watched it on your blob! All those videos of you!"
JD's grandparents talking about the videos JD put up on YouTube and linked in his blog (which grandma calls a blob). They clicked on the suggested videos for 2 hours thinking they were all JD. They said things looked suspicious in one where a man was modeling his motorcycle gear in his house (it looked just like your house!) and a beagle walked by. Old people are great.
JD and I watch The Amazing Race and react as if we were on the show. This week was eating sauerkraut and drinking a boot of beer. In our pretend leg of the race, we would be stopping at every acceptable building to poop and/or vomit. I was getting sick just looking at the cops eat the kraut. I don't like beer. JD would have to consume 7/8 of that boot. We would certainly lose to the cowboys.
JD: how much?
Me: 5 Cowboys.
JD: 5 Arbitrary Units of Measure?
Me: No, 5 cowboys!
JD: Those are arbitrary units of measure.
Me: It's no fun if you call them that!
JD: I love you 5 dead raccoons.
Me: I'm blogging this.
JD: Make sure you add the part about the arbitrary units of measure.
Me: Way to micro manage my blog post.
"I watched it on your blob! All those videos of you!"
JD's grandparents talking about the videos JD put up on YouTube and linked in his blog (which grandma calls a blob). They clicked on the suggested videos for 2 hours thinking they were all JD. They said things looked suspicious in one where a man was modeling his motorcycle gear in his house (it looked just like your house!) and a beagle walked by. Old people are great.
JD and I watch The Amazing Race and react as if we were on the show. This week was eating sauerkraut and drinking a boot of beer. In our pretend leg of the race, we would be stopping at every acceptable building to poop and/or vomit. I was getting sick just looking at the cops eat the kraut. I don't like beer. JD would have to consume 7/8 of that boot. We would certainly lose to the cowboys.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Skipping square dancing today
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIltdURp-9Y
I told JD about the first time I got my period and he didn't leave me! Yay! And then he told me about an ex who frequently walked in on him pooping. And I didn't leave him, Yay! Time to win the lottery!
But seriously, the best use of YouTube is to post films from education classes of yesteryear.
I downloaded a FREE Betty Crocker recipe app. It's amazing.
Ugh I do not feel like doing anything today. I searched for jobs for... 2 hours? Got some nice ones, today, too. I don't want to exercise. I don't want to walk. I don't want to ride the bike. I don't want to watch TV. The dogs are being nuts today and it's not helping that I'm crabby.
I told JD about the first time I got my period and he didn't leave me! Yay! And then he told me about an ex who frequently walked in on him pooping. And I didn't leave him, Yay! Time to win the lottery!
But seriously, the best use of YouTube is to post films from education classes of yesteryear.
I downloaded a FREE Betty Crocker recipe app. It's amazing.
Ugh I do not feel like doing anything today. I searched for jobs for... 2 hours? Got some nice ones, today, too. I don't want to exercise. I don't want to walk. I don't want to ride the bike. I don't want to watch TV. The dogs are being nuts today and it's not helping that I'm crabby.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Meanderings
Oh chubby beauty pageant child. Judging by the size of your mother, I predict you'll have an eating disorder by 12.
With The Biggest Loser off for 2 weeks, I forgot that I disliked Miggy. It was like a whole new group. Who are these people?
If you're underaged and doing things most people in their 30s do, I'll watch you on TV. (Unless it's making lots of money. I feel bad enough about myself as is, I don't need your help to bring me down)
If you're morbidly obese and in denial about your addiction to food and/or are trying to lose the weight, I'll watch you on TV.
If you're on Bravo, I'll probably watch your show for the first season, but probably not for the spin offs.
If you're Tim Gunn, I will definitely watch you on tv.
I can't believe I missed the memo that Kate is on Dancing with the Stars!!!! How did I miss that?!?!?! I need a job so I can keep up o n my internet news.
Speaking of, why do they keep putting dancers on that show? I guess it's not called "these celebrities can't dance... but watch them try!" Still, though. The lead singer of Pussycat Dolls is... DUH NAH! A professional dancer. I suppose if you get paid to sing and dance, you're not a professional dancer. Just a professional singer? Performer? LAME.
I love Tim Gunn. I don't know if it's his voice, his vocabulary, or his tact, but it's fabulous. OH MY GOSH this episode has the angry British hairdresser?! How did I not see this in the original season?
With The Biggest Loser off for 2 weeks, I forgot that I disliked Miggy. It was like a whole new group. Who are these people?
If you're underaged and doing things most people in their 30s do, I'll watch you on TV. (Unless it's making lots of money. I feel bad enough about myself as is, I don't need your help to bring me down)
If you're morbidly obese and in denial about your addiction to food and/or are trying to lose the weight, I'll watch you on TV.
If you're on Bravo, I'll probably watch your show for the first season, but probably not for the spin offs.
If you're Tim Gunn, I will definitely watch you on tv.
I can't believe I missed the memo that Kate is on Dancing with the Stars!!!! How did I miss that?!?!?! I need a job so I can keep up o n my internet news.
Speaking of, why do they keep putting dancers on that show? I guess it's not called "these celebrities can't dance... but watch them try!" Still, though. The lead singer of Pussycat Dolls is... DUH NAH! A professional dancer. I suppose if you get paid to sing and dance, you're not a professional dancer. Just a professional singer? Performer? LAME.
I love Tim Gunn. I don't know if it's his voice, his vocabulary, or his tact, but it's fabulous. OH MY GOSH this episode has the angry British hairdresser?! How did I not see this in the original season?
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