JD was trying to convince me that he purchased a flashlight for me. (He also tried to convince me that I lost the one he was theoretically replacing until he found the "lost" flashlight in one of his storage drawers.) I tried to explain to him that him buying a flashlight that I can use is not him buying me a flashlight. #1 because I don't want a flashlight. #2 because neither me nor the house needs another flashlight. #3 because it's not for me; it's for him.
There's an episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball for her birthday. The ball is weighted for Homer, has finger holes to fit is sausage hands, and is engraved "Homer." She gets angry and to spite him, learns to bowl. And then considers having an affair with her bowling coach Jacques.
90% of my life can be summed up by an episode of The Simpsons.
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