You're not cool unless you pee yoru pants

Yesterday I stopped to listen to the valedictorian speech from one of the local high schools on the public station. It was awful. I may have missed the beginning, but I believe he said that he was comparing his actual high school experience to the high schools in his favorite “childhood movies” Which included: Fast Time and Ridgemont High, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, etc. My problem with this is that kids graduating from high school in 2009 were born in 1991 and all of those movies came out in the 80’s. The people in those movies have kids older than the graduating class of 2009. Why you gotta be frontin’? Those are not movies from your childhood. You weren’t even born yet. Acceptable movies from your childhood would be: She’s All That, Clueless, Cruel Intentions, Dead Man On Campus, Bring it On, etc.

Today at work, Santa called and showed up on the caller ID. How bad are times that Santa needs a part time job?

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Dream me is sexually frustrated

I was having a sex dream with my dream boss's dream husband. We had a nice foreplay of drawing on eachother with crayons (unbelievably hot, how weird) and we were just about to have sex when my alarm went off. I had to wait listening to country music (because it's the only station I get) until I could wake up from REM sleep to push snooze and then not go back to my dream.

Then I turned on the news; Derek VanDam always makes my morning better. But it's not time for the weather and instead I get the guy I don't really like telling me about some shooting or fire or something in Saginaw. Ok, fine, this is why I don't like the news, whatever. Newscaster goes into who has died in the war today. OK another reason why I don't watch the news, fine, though, I need to put a shirt on and Derek needs to tell me what to wear.. I'm still waiting for the weather. Newscaster --literally-- begins a montage of who has died in 2006. It's 6 o'clock in the morning. I don't need to know everyone who had died today, yesterday, and the past year this early. You've gotta let me get some OJ before making me think life is worthless.

All my days have such potential for not sucking and then whoops my dream sex gets interrupted and instead of the weather I get a wake, my boss tells me instead of 15 hours of work this week, I only get 5.

When I was a kid, they called me "Whiner 49er" I bet you're wondering why.