JD and I are fairly certain a guy at work has a crush on me. Of course, since this is me, he is a crazy. You know the episode of HIMYM when Ted dates that girl and everyone tells him she has crazy eyes? This guy has crazy eyes. One day after we moved to the new building, he introduced himself on the way out. It was strange, but I've dealt with strange so it wasn't a big deal. Not even worth mentioning.
The next day, he inter-office IMs me and proceeds to ask me personal questions, if he is bothering me, will I be his friend? If I took too long to respond to him (keep in mind, the IO IM shows when someone is in a call), he would comment on my "tude" or how I like to keep to myself at work. Eventually I told him I was too busy and needed to go back to work. He tried again later on in the afternoon. I told him I was working and wasn't able to talk.
This morning he IMed "Good Morning!" and I IMed back "Good morning" He then asked me to go to lunch with him. I told him no thank you. He responded with a smiley face sticking its tongue out.
5 Hours later he sent a message: "Boom! She turned me down for lunch! I've never been turned down before May day MAY DAY may day! call the boys and tell um I love um"
For serious. My favorite part is that it was 5 hours later.
A couple hours after that, he IMed me again asking if I have a sense of humor. Since I took too long to reply, he said "uhoh the silent treatment! dun dum" I was on the phone. Jesus H. I told him I was busy working. He asked to talk after work. On the way to our cars. I told him he seemed nice and was very persistent but I was not interested.
Another hour later, he sent me an e-mail emphasizing that he was interested in a PLATONIC conversation, but that he was 5'10, stocky, had a great smile, owned his car, lived in an apartment, and enjoyed lots of movies and music. And, finally, that my invitation to lunch is still open.
Of course, I'm keeping JD informed of all of this in case I don't come home from work one day, and he has to call the police. This was his comment to the e-mail:
"JD: I also own my own house, as well as car, and have developed an intimate sexual relationship with you. Kind Regards, - Your boyfriend"
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Mexican's make the best robots
I've been working hard for the money. I would explain, but it's highly confidential.
In other news, I'm grading tests. To even apply for the job, one has to have a college degree. I has a college degree. This is the first time in my life I am using my English degree in a work environment and being paid adequately for it (adequate INDEED).
Why am not I counting the job I had where I produced the company newsletter? Well, 1. I was being paid $8 an hour for that job. 2. I never really used anything educational.
Also, I have been playing We Rule which is just Farmville for the iPhone. If you haven't heard of Farmville, then you probably don't have a Facebook. It's highly addictive.
In conclusion, my brain is dead because my highly confidential job is temporary, so I'm working every day for 4 weeks except 1 Saturday. Some people don't work on the weekends. TIME AND A HALF, PEOPLE! $22.50 AN HOUR I don't get it. What are you doing that you can't work a few hours on Saturday or Sunday? You can earn $720 in 4 days (before taxes) Your dad will have other birthdays! I, unfortunately, will not be working next Saturday. But I worked all this weekend, and will next Sunday and any other day they will let me.
During the training week, a woman in the hallway said this: (paraphrased) I tell the kids they need to stay in school... but what's the point? Look around every one of us has an education and we're all unemployed.
In other news, I'm grading tests. To even apply for the job, one has to have a college degree. I has a college degree. This is the first time in my life I am using my English degree in a work environment and being paid adequately for it (adequate INDEED).
Why am not I counting the job I had where I produced the company newsletter? Well, 1. I was being paid $8 an hour for that job. 2. I never really used anything educational.
Also, I have been playing We Rule which is just Farmville for the iPhone. If you haven't heard of Farmville, then you probably don't have a Facebook. It's highly addictive.
In conclusion, my brain is dead because my highly confidential job is temporary, so I'm working every day for 4 weeks except 1 Saturday. Some people don't work on the weekends. TIME AND A HALF, PEOPLE! $22.50 AN HOUR I don't get it. What are you doing that you can't work a few hours on Saturday or Sunday? You can earn $720 in 4 days (before taxes) Your dad will have other birthdays! I, unfortunately, will not be working next Saturday. But I worked all this weekend, and will next Sunday and any other day they will let me.
During the training week, a woman in the hallway said this: (paraphrased) I tell the kids they need to stay in school... but what's the point? Look around every one of us has an education and we're all unemployed.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Listing annoying people is OK
It’s true: I’m getting to be an old crotchety lady. I like Tim Horton’s. I like Canada. I do not like the TH’s by my house. I like the guy who works Thursday mornings and make the good mochas. I do not like the tiny dark haired woman who acts like I’m ruining her day by walking into the store.
This morning, though, was the worst. I walked in to see 4 people standing around with their arms crossed over their chests. No one was in the drive thru; I was the only person in the store. When I got to the register, no one moved; they just looked at each other with a huffy “I’m too good for this” face (and believe me, I know the face, I make it all the time.) One of the girls said “you take her” and the other shuffled over unnecessarily slow, rolling her eyes the entire way. I placed my order; I said please and thank you. The gay guy with the goatee walked over as slowly as possible, made my coffee, tossed it onto the counter, and walked as slowly as possible back to his bitching post where he started. It’s like everyone who works there has pennies shoved up their ass and if they fall out, you’re fired. Their behavior was completely disrespectful. I just wanted to scream, “I CAN SEE YOU! I AM A CUSTOMER AND I CAN SEE YOU! DO YOU THINK THIS IS HOW CANADA WANTS TO BE REPRESENTED?!”
Listen, I get it. I worked at Dairy Queen. I worked for $6/hr. I worked at 7am. I don’t have high expectations. My expectations include you not defecating (or anything else) on my food, and you doing your job.
So, I made a formal complaint with TH’s. That’s right… I’m that person. I WILL NOT send food back in a restaurant or even order something else, but I will passive aggressively compose a witty complaint to your corporation.
One time, I got my hair cut by this robust angry lady, who didn’t cut part of my hair. I called the place the next day, asked to speak to the manager, told her the lady didn’t cut my bangs (and gave me a shitty hair cut, but that wasn’t a big deal because it’s hair and it will grow back. See what I do? I prove I’m a reasonable person. I relate and I say it’s ok, but you pushed it too far.) When she asked me who cut my hair, I told her I didn’t know her name because she never introduced herself. I heard the woman gasp on the other line. This wasn’t super cuts either. I pay $45 + $10 tip for the good chick. The crappy woman still works there, but the nice girl who cut my bangs became my new stylist. Except she’s too expensive for a trim so I don’t see her anymore.
I don’t like my job all the time either. Not just this current job, but many of my previous jobs. The trick is to be as unhappy as possible when people aren’t watching. Get all your whining out to your boyfriend, your best friend, your mom, your blog. And when people whose comments and observations of your behavior have the potential to directly affect your job, you smile so your mouth stays shut.
Unless that person is trying to get you to pump the hand sanitizer. You gotta stand for something, right?
Two guys came in for a Co-Worker who is notorious for making people wait for him. He is also notorious for talking on his blue tooth headset while peeing and then not washing his hands, but I digress. These 2 guys came in at 10:04am. I paged the Co-Worker at 10:05. I called him on his cell phone at 10:08. “Co-Worker, you have 2 men here for you.” “O RLY?” “Yes.” “I’ll be right up; thanks.” He came up to the front office at 10:18. He then went into someone’s office. One of the guys creeped around the window I have at 10:20 and at 10:22 asked if Co-Worker knew they were here. “Yes. He knows you’re here, he just stepped into an office.” At 10:25 he walked out and someone stopped him to chat. He said, “Oh it’s OK I’ve just got these guys.” Eventually, he lets these guys in. While they’re signing in, he walked away to check his email and was gone 5 minutes. Someone else set them up in a conference room.
Co-Worker is an asshole for treating these guys like they’re interrupting his time.
I’m an asshole who didn’t think to ask if they should go into a conference room.
Work Fail.
While I’m at it, you know who else I don’t like? Guy At Work Who Takes 30 Seconds To Respond To Everything You Say. You know that guy or gal. They ask you something, you immediately answer, they stare at you or off into the distance for 30 seconds before responding. It’s annoying because you’re not sure if you should be waiting for them to say something else or if they’re just coming to you via satellite.
This morning, though, was the worst. I walked in to see 4 people standing around with their arms crossed over their chests. No one was in the drive thru; I was the only person in the store. When I got to the register, no one moved; they just looked at each other with a huffy “I’m too good for this” face (and believe me, I know the face, I make it all the time.) One of the girls said “you take her” and the other shuffled over unnecessarily slow, rolling her eyes the entire way. I placed my order; I said please and thank you. The gay guy with the goatee walked over as slowly as possible, made my coffee, tossed it onto the counter, and walked as slowly as possible back to his bitching post where he started. It’s like everyone who works there has pennies shoved up their ass and if they fall out, you’re fired. Their behavior was completely disrespectful. I just wanted to scream, “I CAN SEE YOU! I AM A CUSTOMER AND I CAN SEE YOU! DO YOU THINK THIS IS HOW CANADA WANTS TO BE REPRESENTED?!”
Listen, I get it. I worked at Dairy Queen. I worked for $6/hr. I worked at 7am. I don’t have high expectations. My expectations include you not defecating (or anything else) on my food, and you doing your job.
So, I made a formal complaint with TH’s. That’s right… I’m that person. I WILL NOT send food back in a restaurant or even order something else, but I will passive aggressively compose a witty complaint to your corporation.
One time, I got my hair cut by this robust angry lady, who didn’t cut part of my hair. I called the place the next day, asked to speak to the manager, told her the lady didn’t cut my bangs (and gave me a shitty hair cut, but that wasn’t a big deal because it’s hair and it will grow back. See what I do? I prove I’m a reasonable person. I relate and I say it’s ok, but you pushed it too far.) When she asked me who cut my hair, I told her I didn’t know her name because she never introduced herself. I heard the woman gasp on the other line. This wasn’t super cuts either. I pay $45 + $10 tip for the good chick. The crappy woman still works there, but the nice girl who cut my bangs became my new stylist. Except she’s too expensive for a trim so I don’t see her anymore.
I don’t like my job all the time either. Not just this current job, but many of my previous jobs. The trick is to be as unhappy as possible when people aren’t watching. Get all your whining out to your boyfriend, your best friend, your mom, your blog. And when people whose comments and observations of your behavior have the potential to directly affect your job, you smile so your mouth stays shut.
Unless that person is trying to get you to pump the hand sanitizer. You gotta stand for something, right?
Two guys came in for a Co-Worker who is notorious for making people wait for him. He is also notorious for talking on his blue tooth headset while peeing and then not washing his hands, but I digress. These 2 guys came in at 10:04am. I paged the Co-Worker at 10:05. I called him on his cell phone at 10:08. “Co-Worker, you have 2 men here for you.” “O RLY?” “Yes.” “I’ll be right up; thanks.” He came up to the front office at 10:18. He then went into someone’s office. One of the guys creeped around the window I have at 10:20 and at 10:22 asked if Co-Worker knew they were here. “Yes. He knows you’re here, he just stepped into an office.” At 10:25 he walked out and someone stopped him to chat. He said, “Oh it’s OK I’ve just got these guys.” Eventually, he lets these guys in. While they’re signing in, he walked away to check his email and was gone 5 minutes. Someone else set them up in a conference room.
Co-Worker is an asshole for treating these guys like they’re interrupting his time.
I’m an asshole who didn’t think to ask if they should go into a conference room.
Work Fail.
While I’m at it, you know who else I don’t like? Guy At Work Who Takes 30 Seconds To Respond To Everything You Say. You know that guy or gal. They ask you something, you immediately answer, they stare at you or off into the distance for 30 seconds before responding. It’s annoying because you’re not sure if you should be waiting for them to say something else or if they’re just coming to you via satellite.
Friday, January 29, 2010
I didn't mean to complain...
Minor complaint: I am an hourly employee and therefore cannot work over 40 hours. Cannot. I don’t know whether or not I’ll get paid for going over 40 but I was told not to try. That’s ok. I’m quite accurate. I come in a few minutes early and have no problem holding out my punching in. I punch out at exactly 5pm without issue. My problem lies in my MM. She sits at my desk during lunch so she can let people in the building. She does not prepare herself to leave my desk until 4 minutes after I’ve returned from lunch. I have to quite my book reading 10 minutes early so I have time to pee, go get the mail, and wait for her. Some days my waiting changes. Sometimes she gets ready to leave when I show up. Sometimes she has stepped away from my desk and I punch myself out in her absence. More often than not, though she’ll sit here for several minutes talking to herself. Occasionally, she’ll be talking to someone else. One time, I waited 10 minutes because instead of saying, “Let’s move this conversation to my desk so I can get out of her away.” She sat in my chair and chatted with her boss. It was work related, yes. And it mildly required her to be at a computer, MILDLY. But it was rude nonetheless.
This is what I don’t like about “nice” people. “Nice” people are regular people who drop everything to listen to you. “Nice” people say “happy to serve you” and “glad I could be of assistance.” The down side of “nice” people is that if you’re not the one asking for a favor, if you’re not the most important person in the room, “nice” people put you last. “Nice” people don’t recognize that you are hourly and not salary and so it matters whether or not you come in on time/come back from lunch on time. “Nice” people ignore you and your project/meeting/plees for help because someone has decided to talk about their four-wheeling vacation. I realize that you're willing to give up your time and attention for other people, but I'm not willing to give mine up for you. So GTFO my chair.
Monday, I swear, I’m going to tell her to move. I am not going to be nice or considerate. I’m going to say “Listen, when I get back from bringing the mail in, would you at least minimize your computer screen to let me punch back in.” I will practice so I don’t say something passive aggressive like, “… so I don’t have to punch in 5 minutes late like I had to every single day last week” “… because sometimes you sit there for a long time talking to yourself and it would be less agitating to wait for you to move if I was already clocked back in” “…because, unlike you, I enjoy being a timely employee.”
Still work related, but about someone else:
“Do you have an appointment?”
“I haven’t gotten a hold of him but I’ve left several messages and told him I was coming.”
That doesn’t constitute as an appointment. When will people learn?!
me: Story:
there's this crazy audit lady
JD: Kiss
me: she came over to my desk before leaving and said (a little TOO dramatically): before I touch your door, I better get some of this (my germ-x) as I have a terrible cold!
and then held her hand under the pump and waited
Oh lady, you haven't met me have you
I was like ummm you can touch it
JD: lol
Ohh man
me: and then she argued with me
JD: did you end up pumping her lotion for her?
me: well i don't want to get my cold all over the pump
i was like it washes the germs right off. you can do it
JD: oh christ, I can just see the stand-off
me: "well i don't want other people to get my germs on them"
well if they're touching the pump, they'll wash all their germs right off. I don't want to touch it
eventually she did
JD: Way to hold out.
me: I'M NOT THE AUDITORS FREAKING SLAVE!
Dear Tim Horton’s,
Fruit Explosion muffin? Indeed!
Thanks,
Me
This is what I don’t like about “nice” people. “Nice” people are regular people who drop everything to listen to you. “Nice” people say “happy to serve you” and “glad I could be of assistance.” The down side of “nice” people is that if you’re not the one asking for a favor, if you’re not the most important person in the room, “nice” people put you last. “Nice” people don’t recognize that you are hourly and not salary and so it matters whether or not you come in on time/come back from lunch on time. “Nice” people ignore you and your project/meeting/plees for help because someone has decided to talk about their four-wheeling vacation. I realize that you're willing to give up your time and attention for other people, but I'm not willing to give mine up for you. So GTFO my chair.
Monday, I swear, I’m going to tell her to move. I am not going to be nice or considerate. I’m going to say “Listen, when I get back from bringing the mail in, would you at least minimize your computer screen to let me punch back in.” I will practice so I don’t say something passive aggressive like, “… so I don’t have to punch in 5 minutes late like I had to every single day last week” “… because sometimes you sit there for a long time talking to yourself and it would be less agitating to wait for you to move if I was already clocked back in” “…because, unlike you, I enjoy being a timely employee.”
Still work related, but about someone else:
“Do you have an appointment?”
“I haven’t gotten a hold of him but I’ve left several messages and told him I was coming.”
That doesn’t constitute as an appointment. When will people learn?!
me: Story:
there's this crazy audit lady
JD: Kiss
me: she came over to my desk before leaving and said (a little TOO dramatically): before I touch your door, I better get some of this (my germ-x) as I have a terrible cold!
and then held her hand under the pump and waited
Oh lady, you haven't met me have you
I was like ummm you can touch it
JD: lol
Ohh man
me: and then she argued with me
JD: did you end up pumping her lotion for her?
me: well i don't want to get my cold all over the pump
i was like it washes the germs right off. you can do it
JD: oh christ, I can just see the stand-off
me: "well i don't want other people to get my germs on them"
well if they're touching the pump, they'll wash all their germs right off. I don't want to touch it
eventually she did
JD: Way to hold out.
me: I'M NOT THE AUDITORS FREAKING SLAVE!
Dear Tim Horton’s,
Fruit Explosion muffin? Indeed!
Thanks,
Me
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I'll make you wish it was still Free Ham Day
I am in a piss poor mood. Piss Poor I say!
“Just call the airport” is my Kryptonite. It makes me feel so insecure and idiotic that I want to strangle people. If you don’t want to pay to change your flight… don’t change your flight. I’m not a goddamn magician and I don’t have any fucking pull with the airport. And if you seem to think that the airport is that willing to give you a better price, you call them! Tell them who you are and what you do and how important it is you get home at 11pm tonight instead of 11am tomorrow morning (Which, BTW, you could have been home earlier but getting home wasn't important enough for you to be on the 6am flight), and see if they give more of a shit than I do. Maybe they will because they don’t double check your flight options with you multiple times. They don’t give you all of your pricing and time availabilities. They don’t have to CONSTANTLY change your flights. It’s no wonder we spend so much on flying when everyone treats it like it’s free and convenient. If you want to travel at times and dates most convenient for you without restrictions… FLY YOUR OWN DAMN PLANE!
Analogies I’ve made up to compare with the way these people treat flight itineraries:
*It’s like going to the grocery store and having $150 in groceries then telling the check out person: “That’s too much. I only want to pay $75.” “Well, do you have any coupons?” “No.” “Then there’s nothing I can do for you.” “Just call the airport.”
*It’s like going to McDonald’s and ordering something, taking it home, eating the sandwich out of it and calling to exchange your fries for a new sandwich. At no cost.
One horrible day: *It’s like going to McDonalds and ordering and paying and then changing your mind before they give you your food so you get refunded and place a new order. And you do that 3 times. And then you take your sandwich home and decide you want something different so you bring it back to McDonalds and try to exchange it for a new sandwich, but they don’t let you. So they give you store credit on your old meal and you purchase a new meal, eat the fries there, and then decide you want a different sandwich so you try to exchange your old sandwich for a new one 5 minutes before the store closes.
If I ever forget and ask, the answer is: no; I don’t like Panera Bread. And to that, what are high schoolers doing gallivanting around on a Thursday afternoon? Back in my day, lunch was 35 minutes and school ended at 2:30 so they have no need to be at Panera Bread all loud with their braces and sweat pants at noon. Go back to class! And who do you think you are leaving a kid you know passed out in the snow? You should be ashamed of yourself!
I bet when they left they were like, what was up with that old lady on the couch with the ugly face? She must have been like, 30. I’m surprised she knew how to work her iPod.
Also at Panera was an angry-faced guy wearing scrubs ordering around an (please don’t take offense, I’m not sure what his handicap was so I’m being vague here) at least mildly retarded man.
And another thing! TEN DOLLARS FOR A SANDWICH?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
“Just call the airport” is my Kryptonite. It makes me feel so insecure and idiotic that I want to strangle people. If you don’t want to pay to change your flight… don’t change your flight. I’m not a goddamn magician and I don’t have any fucking pull with the airport. And if you seem to think that the airport is that willing to give you a better price, you call them! Tell them who you are and what you do and how important it is you get home at 11pm tonight instead of 11am tomorrow morning (Which, BTW, you could have been home earlier but getting home wasn't important enough for you to be on the 6am flight), and see if they give more of a shit than I do. Maybe they will because they don’t double check your flight options with you multiple times. They don’t give you all of your pricing and time availabilities. They don’t have to CONSTANTLY change your flights. It’s no wonder we spend so much on flying when everyone treats it like it’s free and convenient. If you want to travel at times and dates most convenient for you without restrictions… FLY YOUR OWN DAMN PLANE!
Analogies I’ve made up to compare with the way these people treat flight itineraries:
*It’s like going to the grocery store and having $150 in groceries then telling the check out person: “That’s too much. I only want to pay $75.” “Well, do you have any coupons?” “No.” “Then there’s nothing I can do for you.” “Just call the airport.”
*It’s like going to McDonald’s and ordering something, taking it home, eating the sandwich out of it and calling to exchange your fries for a new sandwich. At no cost.
One horrible day: *It’s like going to McDonalds and ordering and paying and then changing your mind before they give you your food so you get refunded and place a new order. And you do that 3 times. And then you take your sandwich home and decide you want something different so you bring it back to McDonalds and try to exchange it for a new sandwich, but they don’t let you. So they give you store credit on your old meal and you purchase a new meal, eat the fries there, and then decide you want a different sandwich so you try to exchange your old sandwich for a new one 5 minutes before the store closes.
If I ever forget and ask, the answer is: no; I don’t like Panera Bread. And to that, what are high schoolers doing gallivanting around on a Thursday afternoon? Back in my day, lunch was 35 minutes and school ended at 2:30 so they have no need to be at Panera Bread all loud with their braces and sweat pants at noon. Go back to class! And who do you think you are leaving a kid you know passed out in the snow? You should be ashamed of yourself!
I bet when they left they were like, what was up with that old lady on the couch with the ugly face? She must have been like, 30. I’m surprised she knew how to work her iPod.
Also at Panera was an angry-faced guy wearing scrubs ordering around an (please don’t take offense, I’m not sure what his handicap was so I’m being vague here) at least mildly retarded man.
And another thing! TEN DOLLARS FOR A SANDWICH?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Another installment of "Phone Conversations" Starring: People who weren't listening!
Actual phone conversations:
Me: Thank you for calling [the place where I work]
Lady: Hi. Is this South Central Radiology?
Me: No it is not.
Lady: Did I call 734- [7 numbers that have no direct relation with our phone number]
Me: No you did not.
Me: Thank you for calling [the place where I work]
Guy: Yes. Can you give me the phone number for your Rocky Mount office.
Me: It has moved to Raleigh and the phone number is…
Guy: Now, that area code isn’t for Rocky Mount. Did you guys move?
Me: … It has moved to Raleigh.
There’s a guy at work who wears his blue tooth headset like a wedding ring. He often talks on in while he’s peeing. Sometimes, he stands outside the bathroom doors and shouts into it. It’s so loud it feels like he’s in the bathroom with you. If there’s something that can stop pee in its tracks it’s that man’s voice.
Me: Thank you for calling [the place where I work]
Lady: Hi. Is this South Central Radiology?
Me: No it is not.
Lady: Did I call 734- [7 numbers that have no direct relation with our phone number]
Me: No you did not.
Me: Thank you for calling [the place where I work]
Guy: Yes. Can you give me the phone number for your Rocky Mount office.
Me: It has moved to Raleigh and the phone number is…
Guy: Now, that area code isn’t for Rocky Mount. Did you guys move?
Me: … It has moved to Raleigh.
There’s a guy at work who wears his blue tooth headset like a wedding ring. He often talks on in while he’s peeing. Sometimes, he stands outside the bathroom doors and shouts into it. It’s so loud it feels like he’s in the bathroom with you. If there’s something that can stop pee in its tracks it’s that man’s voice.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Is this cake?
Sometimes I get the song “Be Our Guest” stuck in my head. Only at work and it’s not just occasionally, it’s often. Like, once a week. I don’t know if it’s because the tune is so adaptable, if the lyrics are so generic that I accidentally say parts of them, or if Mrs. Potts is just inside my head.
Dear Aladdin cup company,
If you’re going to label something as a “travel mug,” one of the first qualifications should be “fits in cup holder.” Another should be “doesn’t spill.”
Also, I’d like my twelve dollars back.
Thanks.
My office desk is at the main door. Which means it is the first flat surface on your way in and the first flat surface on your way out. People tend to set things down and then forget all about them. I leave the items out in the open for their owner, but nobody comes. It’s as if they’re saying: “Here; I don’t have the heart to throw this away. Will you please do it for me?” And I usually do because I don’t like clutter in my work space.
This morning there was a large round shaped object in a garbage bag on the corner of my desk. I get in at 8am. Most people who work here get in at 8am. Either someone dropped it off over the weekend, or one of the shop people walked it up to my desk and left it early this morning. I’m a curious person so I poked it and it squished and I was immediately freaked it. I unwrapped part of the garbage bag and found what appeared to be a cake. I bundled it back up and left it there, because surely, someone did not just leave left over birthday cake on my desk. All morning, it was the office chatter. What is this? Who left it? Obviously, it’s cake which you know because you unwrapped the garbage bag. No, I don’t know who left it or else I would have told them to take it along. At least 4 people questioned me about the cake. I got annoyed and took it to the break room where leftovers go to die. This is also the same room I eat lunch in. Alone. Reading a book. People leave food on the “free counter” in the break room all the time. It is not unusual. After Christmas, there were days worth of solid cookies and red wrapped boxed chocolates. People don’t usually question those. They just eat them and go about heating their leftovers in the microwave.
Every person who came in questioned me and the open air about the cake. What is this? Who left it? Why is it shaped like a basket ball? Who would buy a black cake? Is it two tiered? It was as if I did not leave someone’s old cake on the counter, but instead a 3 legged 2 headed goat I slaughtered and attached a note that read, “Please! Ask me about my goat!” Never before has left over food made such a stir. Maybe a memo goes out and that I don’t get copied into when people leave food in there.
“Good morning! Tyler’s b-day went well. I’m glad so many of you could make it. For those of you who missed out (shame on you! Hahah!), I’ve left some of his party cake in the break room—Please help yourself!! I know I don’t need to eat it!! HAHA!!! Have a great day!”
JD, Please note: The cake had dowels in it. !!!!!
Dear Aladdin cup company,
If you’re going to label something as a “travel mug,” one of the first qualifications should be “fits in cup holder.” Another should be “doesn’t spill.”
Also, I’d like my twelve dollars back.
Thanks.
My office desk is at the main door. Which means it is the first flat surface on your way in and the first flat surface on your way out. People tend to set things down and then forget all about them. I leave the items out in the open for their owner, but nobody comes. It’s as if they’re saying: “Here; I don’t have the heart to throw this away. Will you please do it for me?” And I usually do because I don’t like clutter in my work space.
This morning there was a large round shaped object in a garbage bag on the corner of my desk. I get in at 8am. Most people who work here get in at 8am. Either someone dropped it off over the weekend, or one of the shop people walked it up to my desk and left it early this morning. I’m a curious person so I poked it and it squished and I was immediately freaked it. I unwrapped part of the garbage bag and found what appeared to be a cake. I bundled it back up and left it there, because surely, someone did not just leave left over birthday cake on my desk. All morning, it was the office chatter. What is this? Who left it? Obviously, it’s cake which you know because you unwrapped the garbage bag. No, I don’t know who left it or else I would have told them to take it along. At least 4 people questioned me about the cake. I got annoyed and took it to the break room where leftovers go to die. This is also the same room I eat lunch in. Alone. Reading a book. People leave food on the “free counter” in the break room all the time. It is not unusual. After Christmas, there were days worth of solid cookies and red wrapped boxed chocolates. People don’t usually question those. They just eat them and go about heating their leftovers in the microwave.
Every person who came in questioned me and the open air about the cake. What is this? Who left it? Why is it shaped like a basket ball? Who would buy a black cake? Is it two tiered? It was as if I did not leave someone’s old cake on the counter, but instead a 3 legged 2 headed goat I slaughtered and attached a note that read, “Please! Ask me about my goat!” Never before has left over food made such a stir. Maybe a memo goes out and that I don’t get copied into when people leave food in there.
“Good morning! Tyler’s b-day went well. I’m glad so many of you could make it. For those of you who missed out (shame on you! Hahah!), I’ve left some of his party cake in the break room—Please help yourself!! I know I don’t need to eat it!! HAHA!!! Have a great day!”
JD, Please note: The cake had dowels in it. !!!!!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I took JD to a vegan restaurant for lunch today. He was scared. He got Faux-cos (hahahahah!!!!); I got a “Greenwich”, and we split a nori roll. My sandwich was like most sandwiches I make at home except instead of mayo, it had a light hummus. It gets a 7 for originality, 9 for taste, and a 4 because they stuck too closely to a theme and didn’t have tomatoes on it. I really like tomatoes. JD liked his tacos. He said he would replace walnut paste with ground beef at home. I, however, did not like them and I’m glad I didn’t order them (despite my love for tacos). It’s nothing against the taco, it’s just that I don’t like taco seasoning and to make walnuts taste like ground beef, you need a lot of seasoning. He gave it an 8 for taste if he didn’t have to think about how many plants were on it. I gave it a 9 for originality (not that tacos are new, but walnuts = ground beef is quite original), and a 7 for taste if I didn’t have to taste the taco seasoning. The nori rolls were good. I like Seaweed and everything they put in them, so combined it was delicious. I would make these at home. I would make my sandwich at home, too, and add tomato. Which, I feel, is where the fault lies with the vegan-raw diner: the same food can be easily purchased and assembled at home. I should have tried their vegan soup. Next time!
Sometimes work makes me feel bad because I have to racially judge people. We do projects for the government so anyone who is not an American citizen basically needs to wear a badge that says so. Technically we have a blue “no escort” badge and a red “escort required” badge. Sometimes people walk in and I have to make a judgment call about what color to give them. Now, I have to cross check their name through 5 government terrorist lists to see if they can even come into the building. I really only have been checking my name and the names of people I know.
Sometimes work makes me feel bad because I have to racially judge people. We do projects for the government so anyone who is not an American citizen basically needs to wear a badge that says so. Technically we have a blue “no escort” badge and a red “escort required” badge. Sometimes people walk in and I have to make a judgment call about what color to give them. Now, I have to cross check their name through 5 government terrorist lists to see if they can even come into the building. I really only have been checking my name and the names of people I know.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
This may or may not be a true story
My faux middle manager at work came in dressed like a semi-slutty office ho. She usually wears dress pants, something sensible on top with too many tank tops underneath, and hideous boots from 1998. Today, however, she's wearing a pencil skirt that's too short for Catholic school but apparently not too short for work and a business shirt with pointy toed stilettos. I'm not gonna lie, she looks good, and I noticed, but since I see her everyday, there's a tinge of pathetic going on.
She recently got divorced and has been on a health kick because she wants to lose weight. And the fact is, that skirt is too tight. It will look good -10 LBs from now, but not today. Ditto for the shirt. My guess is she lost 5-10 pounds, felt proud of herself and went out and purchased the outfit she could fit into with the smallest size on the tag.
I guess this because I have done it. I have also eaten and entire pie in 1 evening before it was even finished cooking and then felt so bad about myself, I put on the smallest jeans I own (and a hoodie to hide the fact that they weren't buttoned) and went out to drink--mostly just to keep myself away from the second pie I managed to make without devouring.
True story.
She recently got divorced and has been on a health kick because she wants to lose weight. And the fact is, that skirt is too tight. It will look good -10 LBs from now, but not today. Ditto for the shirt. My guess is she lost 5-10 pounds, felt proud of herself and went out and purchased the outfit she could fit into with the smallest size on the tag.
I guess this because I have done it. I have also eaten and entire pie in 1 evening before it was even finished cooking and then felt so bad about myself, I put on the smallest jeans I own (and a hoodie to hide the fact that they weren't buttoned) and went out to drink--mostly just to keep myself away from the second pie I managed to make without devouring.
True story.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Dog Work
This weekend was the first time mine and my boyfriend’s dogs met each other. It was just horrible to start, and then it got better. I tend to think of dogs like I do young children. They don’t know anything unless you teach them. They push any and all boundaries just to see if they can get away with it. They operate on impulses. They don’t know what new things are ok and what new things aren’t ok unless they ask you. I have similar thoughts for dog training as I do for child sitting. Things like,
*This is a listening area. Only good listeners can be in this area. Non-listeners can go sit in their cage.
*I don’t think you should be licking her.
*We don’t go potty on the carpet.
*That is her toy. You can’t steal her toy.
*Keep your hands to yourself.
*Eat your food and no one elses.
*You have to sit before you get a treat.
*No biting.
Oh. Puppies. I had forgotten. I now remember. Constant “time-out”s Strangers allowing the dog to misbehave. Yelling at the dog and scaring the guests. MEMORIES I’m so glad I don’t have to do that again.
At work, I assist in the holiday card distribution. I had to present options, order, fold, stuff, and address the cards. I’m new here. They’ve been doing this process for decades. In the past, the girl who controlled the process, decided on how things would go. This year, everyone had an opinion, and I accepted and dealt with each one. So the process changed, but the basics stayed the same. You receive a list of customers or clients. You make some sort of notation as to who should no longer be on the list. You make some sort of notation to denote whose card you want to sign. Then there is the highly complex issue of whether the person should get a card, a loaf of charity bread, or a gift basket.
These are high pressure issues, I know.
It’s all board members and top managers who get this list. They’re engineers. (At least, I think so. It’s my understanding that if you’re going to manage engineers, and make deals with engineers, you might be an engineer.) I’m pretty good about detailing directions. I dumb them down as low as possible and be as specific as I can so when you read them, they make sense and can be easily followed.
The deadline for this was Monday. It’s now Tuesday. One person did it pretty close to what I asked for. I’m giving her an A-. One person only crossed off some names that shouldn’t be on there. One person said they did it, but must not have saved it to the same folder. One person handed me the old copies with 5 people crossed off (the list is approx. 600), and said he would “give me a list” of who he wanted to send a card to later this afternoon or tomorrow. That’s not even half the people.
Seriously?
I need to go work at the Ayn Rand Institute.
*This is a listening area. Only good listeners can be in this area. Non-listeners can go sit in their cage.
*I don’t think you should be licking her.
*We don’t go potty on the carpet.
*That is her toy. You can’t steal her toy.
*Keep your hands to yourself.
*Eat your food and no one elses.
*You have to sit before you get a treat.
*No biting.
Oh. Puppies. I had forgotten. I now remember. Constant “time-out”s Strangers allowing the dog to misbehave. Yelling at the dog and scaring the guests. MEMORIES I’m so glad I don’t have to do that again.
At work, I assist in the holiday card distribution. I had to present options, order, fold, stuff, and address the cards. I’m new here. They’ve been doing this process for decades. In the past, the girl who controlled the process, decided on how things would go. This year, everyone had an opinion, and I accepted and dealt with each one. So the process changed, but the basics stayed the same. You receive a list of customers or clients. You make some sort of notation as to who should no longer be on the list. You make some sort of notation to denote whose card you want to sign. Then there is the highly complex issue of whether the person should get a card, a loaf of charity bread, or a gift basket.
These are high pressure issues, I know.
It’s all board members and top managers who get this list. They’re engineers. (At least, I think so. It’s my understanding that if you’re going to manage engineers, and make deals with engineers, you might be an engineer.) I’m pretty good about detailing directions. I dumb them down as low as possible and be as specific as I can so when you read them, they make sense and can be easily followed.
The deadline for this was Monday. It’s now Tuesday. One person did it pretty close to what I asked for. I’m giving her an A-. One person only crossed off some names that shouldn’t be on there. One person said they did it, but must not have saved it to the same folder. One person handed me the old copies with 5 people crossed off (the list is approx. 600), and said he would “give me a list” of who he wanted to send a card to later this afternoon or tomorrow. That’s not even half the people.
Seriously?
I need to go work at the Ayn Rand Institute.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
At work. How cliche
Can you tell me the name of your human resources manager?
JK
OK And what is her job title?
...
I would like a flight from 9/26 to 10/02
Here is flight information for 9/26 to 10/02 Can I book this flight?
Yes
(4 hours later)
Oh wait I meant 9/28 not 9/26 Please change everything.
I do believe that Michelle Duggar wants all those kids. I do believe that she is as happy as she says she is about being pregnant 47 times. However, I cannot wrap my educated mind around her saying she was surprised she got pregnant again.
Really? 18 kids and you’re surprised?
Then I thought, maybe their lifestyle/religion doesn’t know the physics of where babies come from. Maybe she thought God was done with her uterus and decided to stop despite their unprotected sex continuing. Bless her heart, I think she’s doing a fabulous job for what she has and for what she believes, but there is no way on this green earth she was surprised she got pregnant again.
When you type “Obama” into Google, it fills in with “called Kanye West a Jackass”
I also love how no one is really disagreeing with his statement, rather, whether or not the President should be allowed to behave as and have opinions as a human being. Although, I will agree with the point Lisa made on the radio this morning, “The question was what did Obama’s daughters feel about the whole thing, not what did Obama feel about it.” I really feel like I’m missing out on this whole issue because I can’t listen to NPR anymore. And because I don’t have copious amounts of free time in which to watch The Daily Show. Damn you full time job! My favorite is definitely 50 Cent’s (I believe) comment on the whole thing. To type it out is useless because the audio of him is priceless. Essentially, he said he wished Kanye had down that to him so he could punch him in the face. Love it.
As a side note, posting off the record information to be used as slander is irreprehensible. Thankfully, approx. 93% of the world agree with Obama’s comment and apparently, like him all the more for it.
Aside from this, I hope no one can hear me swearing on the phone.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
2 days worth
(taken from 89X listeners)
Things women think are sexy but actually aren’t:
Strip tease – unless you’re an amazing dancer and have a hot body (chances are there’s a reason you’re not doing it professionally)
Balls in your mouth
Steve Bouchemey
Biting hard
Food (whip cream, cherries, etc)
Fishnet stockings
Painted on eyebrows
To much makeup
Lipstick, lip gloss
Colored contacts
Fake things: hair, nails, colors, speech (saying things from movies in romantic moments), tan
Wearing clothes that don’t fit
No underpants
Things men think are sexy that aren’t:
Driving without a shirt on
Cutting the sleeves off of a shirt
Using a “sexy voice” over the phone
Clothes that are too baggy or too tight, being able to see a bulge, being able to see their man boobs
Biting
Dirty talk (sometimes)
Calling a woman “mommie”
Popped collars
Tongue in ear
Penis dancing
Full face, long beards, just the mustache
The soul patch
Licking eye balls
Good things:
Coffee
The huge plagiarism project being easy as opposed to difficult.
My boyfriend.
11.5 oz.s of coffee for $2.50
Taking the time to double check something before asking someone else thus solving my own problem.
The guy next door leaving me candy.
Medium things:
Having lots to do at work (good), but not enough time to do all of it (not good).
Things happening for a reason.
Bad things:
People who don’t double check things before asking you thus making you (unrelated 3rd party) do the grunt work for their lazy ass.
Figuring it would be easier to plagiarize a driving form instead of searching for it cheaper on the internet.
One time at work I was in the bathroom and I heard the bell that someone was here. When I got out of the bathroom, the guy was still there and the only other coworker in the office was sitting at his desk (approx. 10 feet from the door). I asked the guy if he had been helped, he said no, so I talked to him. I hate how my coworker will ignore guests when he feels like it, and other times I’ll be talking to a salesman and just about to get rid of him, when my coworker shows up and basically repeats everything I just said to him. Unnecessary.
The phone rang 3 times, before I answered it which shouldn’t happen with 3 people working. No other line was lit up. Jen complained that Suzie was dicking around checking her personal email and texting; Jen said she was on the phone. Since no other lines were lit up, she was on her cell. Oh my.
9:07am (at work, internal monologue): Man I really want some tacos… volcano nachos! I think I smell tacos and that’s why I want tacos. Why would I suddenly smell tacos? What is the essence of the taco smell? Fresh lettuce and tomatoes with cilantro. Cilantro? Or is it salsa? Combination.
I do honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I do honestly get frustrated when reason has more patience than I do.
Things women think are sexy but actually aren’t:
Strip tease – unless you’re an amazing dancer and have a hot body (chances are there’s a reason you’re not doing it professionally)
Balls in your mouth
Steve Bouchemey
Biting hard
Food (whip cream, cherries, etc)
Fishnet stockings
Painted on eyebrows
To much makeup
Lipstick, lip gloss
Colored contacts
Fake things: hair, nails, colors, speech (saying things from movies in romantic moments), tan
Wearing clothes that don’t fit
No underpants
Things men think are sexy that aren’t:
Driving without a shirt on
Cutting the sleeves off of a shirt
Using a “sexy voice” over the phone
Clothes that are too baggy or too tight, being able to see a bulge, being able to see their man boobs
Biting
Dirty talk (sometimes)
Calling a woman “mommie”
Popped collars
Tongue in ear
Penis dancing
Full face, long beards, just the mustache
The soul patch
Licking eye balls
Good things:
Coffee
The huge plagiarism project being easy as opposed to difficult.
My boyfriend.
11.5 oz.s of coffee for $2.50
Taking the time to double check something before asking someone else thus solving my own problem.
The guy next door leaving me candy.
Medium things:
Having lots to do at work (good), but not enough time to do all of it (not good).
Things happening for a reason.
Bad things:
People who don’t double check things before asking you thus making you (unrelated 3rd party) do the grunt work for their lazy ass.
Figuring it would be easier to plagiarize a driving form instead of searching for it cheaper on the internet.
One time at work I was in the bathroom and I heard the bell that someone was here. When I got out of the bathroom, the guy was still there and the only other coworker in the office was sitting at his desk (approx. 10 feet from the door). I asked the guy if he had been helped, he said no, so I talked to him. I hate how my coworker will ignore guests when he feels like it, and other times I’ll be talking to a salesman and just about to get rid of him, when my coworker shows up and basically repeats everything I just said to him. Unnecessary.
The phone rang 3 times, before I answered it which shouldn’t happen with 3 people working. No other line was lit up. Jen complained that Suzie was dicking around checking her personal email and texting; Jen said she was on the phone. Since no other lines were lit up, she was on her cell. Oh my.
9:07am (at work, internal monologue): Man I really want some tacos… volcano nachos! I think I smell tacos and that’s why I want tacos. Why would I suddenly smell tacos? What is the essence of the taco smell? Fresh lettuce and tomatoes with cilantro. Cilantro? Or is it salsa? Combination.
I do honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I do honestly get frustrated when reason has more patience than I do.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I thought Jessica Biel's tits were bigger?
Problems I have found with our new time schedules:
Lynn came in really early yesterday for the meeting, and is forced to leave at 2pm today. That means she worked 12 hours yesterday.
Yesterday, I wasn’t able to finish my work before 2:30 thus causing other people to do it.
Solution: we schedule ourselves. If I only stayed the length of time I worked, I would be far more productive because my getting out time would be dependent on my ability to stay on task.
Solution: Lynn should have kept her 40 hour work week, and Suzie should have been cut to 32.
Why? Because Suzie takes (2) 15 minute breaks a day. If you are so ahead in your work that you can waste a half an hour a day, you can work 29.5 and decide if you want to skip your breaks for the extra 2.5 hours.
Also, I think Lynn and I do more as a team effort. Her hair is a mess and she talks to herself, but damnit she gets a job done and she answers the phone before the 4th ring.
Plus, I don’t like Suzie or her work ethic.
On a side note, I don’t think Kristy actually looks at my time clock because this will be the second week in a row I get paid more than I should have because of the time I clocked in.
Solution: I’ll stop punching in too early or too late in case I get caught. OR I’ll only do it once a week.
Moral dilemma: Is it the employee or the employers’ responsibility to make sure the employee isn’t being over paid? If the employee is underpaid, it is the employee’s responsibility.
Damnit.
One of the salesmen jammed the printer, which upon fixing yielded a 52 page mistake print job. When you’ve messed up that bad, ask for help.
Solution: If you can’t fix the problem, let someone else know there is a problem and see if they can fix it or point you in the direction of someone who can fix it. Solution: Leave a note on my desk: “Amanda, Doug Damon here uhh I broke the printer. I tried to fix it but the light is still red and my paper isn’t coming out and I printed the wrong thing anyway so I guess it’s for the better. Just wanted to let you know. Ok Thanks.”
What happened to courtesy?
Miss California was raised to believe marriage is between a man and a woman. We can assume, then, that she doesn’t believe gay marriage should be legalized. People are considering the idea that this statement during the competition may have cost her the Miss America crown. Personally, I believe that if it didn’t cost her the crown, it should have. If you’re from California, in beauty pageants (which are basically drag shows for little girls), and haven’t encountered a homosexual, or if you have, and haven’t felt compassion for them/felt they were a human and deserved common human rights then I don’t think you should be representing anything but a church or potential cult.
I wouldn’t have an abortion, but I wouldn’t dare take that decision away from another woman. AND I wouldn’t weight my answer in a beauty pageant with my religious beliefs.
I’m glad she didn’t win.
Yesterday, I did pilates.
Today: 45 minutes of cardio
Lynn came in really early yesterday for the meeting, and is forced to leave at 2pm today. That means she worked 12 hours yesterday.
Yesterday, I wasn’t able to finish my work before 2:30 thus causing other people to do it.
Solution: we schedule ourselves. If I only stayed the length of time I worked, I would be far more productive because my getting out time would be dependent on my ability to stay on task.
Solution: Lynn should have kept her 40 hour work week, and Suzie should have been cut to 32.
Why? Because Suzie takes (2) 15 minute breaks a day. If you are so ahead in your work that you can waste a half an hour a day, you can work 29.5 and decide if you want to skip your breaks for the extra 2.5 hours.
Also, I think Lynn and I do more as a team effort. Her hair is a mess and she talks to herself, but damnit she gets a job done and she answers the phone before the 4th ring.
Plus, I don’t like Suzie or her work ethic.
On a side note, I don’t think Kristy actually looks at my time clock because this will be the second week in a row I get paid more than I should have because of the time I clocked in.
Solution: I’ll stop punching in too early or too late in case I get caught. OR I’ll only do it once a week.
Moral dilemma: Is it the employee or the employers’ responsibility to make sure the employee isn’t being over paid? If the employee is underpaid, it is the employee’s responsibility.
Damnit.
One of the salesmen jammed the printer, which upon fixing yielded a 52 page mistake print job. When you’ve messed up that bad, ask for help.
Solution: If you can’t fix the problem, let someone else know there is a problem and see if they can fix it or point you in the direction of someone who can fix it. Solution: Leave a note on my desk: “Amanda, Doug Damon here uhh I broke the printer. I tried to fix it but the light is still red and my paper isn’t coming out and I printed the wrong thing anyway so I guess it’s for the better. Just wanted to let you know. Ok Thanks.”
What happened to courtesy?
Miss California was raised to believe marriage is between a man and a woman. We can assume, then, that she doesn’t believe gay marriage should be legalized. People are considering the idea that this statement during the competition may have cost her the Miss America crown. Personally, I believe that if it didn’t cost her the crown, it should have. If you’re from California, in beauty pageants (which are basically drag shows for little girls), and haven’t encountered a homosexual, or if you have, and haven’t felt compassion for them/felt they were a human and deserved common human rights then I don’t think you should be representing anything but a church or potential cult.
I wouldn’t have an abortion, but I wouldn’t dare take that decision away from another woman. AND I wouldn’t weight my answer in a beauty pageant with my religious beliefs.
I’m glad she didn’t win.
Yesterday, I did pilates.
Today: 45 minutes of cardio
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