See? I'm not dead. AND I got a camera for my birthday

When your kid gifts you with an ugly rock they found and then painted

Tagen has been following me around all afternoon. She lays underneath the coffee table while I'm on the couch. She lays next to the sink while I'm in the kitchen. She lays under JD's work desk while I pee. She won't leave me alone which is very odd for her. I'm pretty sure this means 1 (or more) of4 things.
1. Natural disaster. Animals always know first, right?
2. I'm going to die. Just like that death cat at the nursing home, Tagen is going to steal my soul when it leaves my body.
3. She is sick and doesn't want to die alone.
4. She knows she'll be vacationing at grandmas next week.
Hopefully this behavior ends tonight. She's freaking me out.


After 2 days of sitting in the fridge and judging me everytime I opened the door, I used the fondant. I debated between throwing it out, eating it straight from the plastic wrap, and leaving it in there until the next purge, but eventually balled up and made a freaking cake.

Cake: half a box of FunFetti

Frosting: left over Betty Crocker Chocolate Buttercream, nuked for 14 seconds to soften, only on top tier because I got nervous.

Decorations: Junior Mints and Sweedish Fish.

Food Network Challenge: Cakes has an amateur division... right?

Butterfly in China and stuff

Oh my. I probably shouldn't leave that blog up.

I miss Britney and Justin. Don't you? She had so much going for her. It's one of those things where you wonder how your life would be different if you had stayed together. If Justin and Britney had made it, would we know Dick in a Box? Would K-Fed have been on VH1's Celebrity Fit Camp? Would anyone remember Moesha wsa a TV show had Char Jackson not been involved with Britney? Would anyone have been able to bring Sexy Back?

I realize Britney and Justin broke up 8 years ago and that it is no longer relevant. But you would be thinking about it, too, if you had just watched the Biography on Britney Spears.

So, anyway, here are some pictures of the kids so you don't feel like you've wasted the last 15 minutes.

Happy girl!

I am a fabulous watch dog.

Living room

JD and I are going camping. Neither one of us had any camping things, so JD bought a tent online. It was uber windy today, and he decided to set it up in the living room. It was actually really easy; it's some sort of "60 second setup" where it's all already attached you just click everything in place like an umbrella.

Tagen does not like loud noises, or really anything new that doesn't involve a snack. She hid under my skirt.

Mom, protect me!

Here is the tent fully set up:

Does this make us red necks?

Tagen had some doggy beer to relax once the tent was taken down

Where was Radar? Outside or in her cage because she is a jumper and a shark mouth and wasn't allowed near the new tent. Did I ever tell the story about how I don't like dogs looking at me while I'm eating? I don't like anyone looking at me while I'm eating, but I cannot stand it when a dog stares at your plate or gets their nose right up in your face to smell your food. It disgusts me. I trained Tagen to get in a spot, and she does pretty well, although you do have to remind her. Radar, however, is still new and doesn't get it. She loves to sit behind the couch so I dubbed that her spot. While I'm eating on the couch, she must go to her spot, and when she gets there (and stays there), she gets a snack. She is a very smart dog, and quickly learned (at least with me) to go behind the couch while I'm eating. However, instead of laying down like a good girl like she used to do, she now waits for you to drop food back there.

Like this:

Guys? Guys, are you gonna eat all those chips?

As frustrating as she tends to be, she is quite a funny girl.

LOVE ME

May or may not

It's been a while. I'm back to being unemployed and life isn't as entertaining when it's wake up, drink coffee, eat breakfast, walk dog, walk other dog, waste some time, eat lunch, take a shower, watch HIMYM, waste time, kiss boyfriend, make/eat dinner, waste time, work out, shower, watch tv go to bed.

I have several bug bites on my foot and it keeps me awake at night.

The other day, I met the neighbors, and they started the idea of "what would your Jeopardy background information be?" I can't think of a good one. "And now, AO, what's interesting about you is that you've been unemployed for quite some time now. You trained your dog? Good for you!"

Ugh, I feel super fat. So, here are some pictures of the kids.

FTW

Since my attempt at an organized, money-saving, productive morning was pretty much a forgetful, expensive, productive morning, I figured I'd try and do something I couldn't actually fail at.

This means "I love you"

Not pictured: Boons Farm

We went grocery shopping in the evening and JD bought all of this.
Me: Are we having a party?
JD: Yeah. Invite your friends.
Me: None of my friends would come.
JD: I don't think mine would either.

Scratch-offs

I made some motherfuckingpie from scratch. I forgot the lemon and forgot to defrost the blueberries and forgot to put butter on top. I never said I was Martha. Also, I ate, like, the whole thing by myself.

These are my peeps

Dog Work

This weekend was the first time mine and my boyfriend’s dogs met each other. It was just horrible to start, and then it got better. I tend to think of dogs like I do young children. They don’t know anything unless you teach them. They push any and all boundaries just to see if they can get away with it. They operate on impulses. They don’t know what new things are ok and what new things aren’t ok unless they ask you. I have similar thoughts for dog training as I do for child sitting. Things like,
*This is a listening area. Only good listeners can be in this area. Non-listeners can go sit in their cage.
*I don’t think you should be licking her.
*We don’t go potty on the carpet.
*That is her toy. You can’t steal her toy.
*Keep your hands to yourself.
*Eat your food and no one elses.
*You have to sit before you get a treat.
*No biting.

Oh. Puppies. I had forgotten. I now remember. Constant “time-out”s Strangers allowing the dog to misbehave. Yelling at the dog and scaring the guests. MEMORIES I’m so glad I don’t have to do that again.

At work, I assist in the holiday card distribution. I had to present options, order, fold, stuff, and address the cards. I’m new here. They’ve been doing this process for decades. In the past, the girl who controlled the process, decided on how things would go. This year, everyone had an opinion, and I accepted and dealt with each one. So the process changed, but the basics stayed the same. You receive a list of customers or clients. You make some sort of notation as to who should no longer be on the list. You make some sort of notation to denote whose card you want to sign. Then there is the highly complex issue of whether the person should get a card, a loaf of charity bread, or a gift basket.
These are high pressure issues, I know.
It’s all board members and top managers who get this list. They’re engineers. (At least, I think so. It’s my understanding that if you’re going to manage engineers, and make deals with engineers, you might be an engineer.) I’m pretty good about detailing directions. I dumb them down as low as possible and be as specific as I can so when you read them, they make sense and can be easily followed.
The deadline for this was Monday. It’s now Tuesday. One person did it pretty close to what I asked for. I’m giving her an A-. One person only crossed off some names that shouldn’t be on there. One person said they did it, but must not have saved it to the same folder. One person handed me the old copies with 5 people crossed off (the list is approx. 600), and said he would “give me a list” of who he wanted to send a card to later this afternoon or tomorrow. That’s not even half the people.
Seriously?
I need to go work at the Ayn Rand Institute.