JD: Where the fuck is the measuring cup? I haven't seen it in a few days, and I can't find it anywhere.
Me (looks in the cupboard where it should be): I don't know. I don't think [our roommate who just moved out] would have taken it.
Me (looks in the next likely place): Here is it. Did you even look for it?
JD: No. It wasn't where it should be. Who would put it in the wrong place?
Several hours later
Me: .... Why did you put the taco shells in the refrigerator?
JD: I don't know.
End Scene
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
My experience at the salon
I got my hair cut on Saturday. This is the review I posted on Yelp, because I am too lazy to recant my story.
Negatives:
*When I called to set up an appointment I was told haircuts were $20. When I left the salon, I was told my haircut was $37. Apparently wash and blowdry are considered styling and are an extra $17. No flat iron or curling iron were used. No hairspray was used. The only product she put in my hair was a root booster which did nothing but make my hair sticky and lifeless. And if she had asked before putting it in, I would have preferred it not be used.
*I said I wanted a trim including bangs. I had to ask at the end for my bangs to be cut. Which, along with "salon"s charging for blow drying, is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Once, I showed a woman a picture of the hairstyle I wanted (that included bangs) and she didn't cut my bangs, she didn't even ask if I wanted them.
*Before she cut, she took the time to ask me where I parted my hair and had me do it. Then, while blow drying, she brushed all my hair back so my part was lost and my hair ended up separating in the middle, which is where my bangs ended up being cut. My bangs look like crap.
*I did not request a time when scheduling, I asked what was available in the afternoon. I was put with another woman who was getting color. My hair was partially blow dried, partially wet while I waited for my stylist to highlight someone else's hair. And then, the girl getting color had her color in past the timer and waited for the stylist to finish my $17 blow dry. I've never been double booked before. I'm sure it happens. I'm sure people who get their hair colored have waited before. But never have I been left to wait for 5-10 minutes with wet hair while someone else is serviced.
*She used a natural bristle brush. It makes my hair frizzy.
Negatives:
*When I called to set up an appointment I was told haircuts were $20. When I left the salon, I was told my haircut was $37. Apparently wash and blowdry are considered styling and are an extra $17. No flat iron or curling iron were used. No hairspray was used. The only product she put in my hair was a root booster which did nothing but make my hair sticky and lifeless. And if she had asked before putting it in, I would have preferred it not be used.
*I said I wanted a trim including bangs. I had to ask at the end for my bangs to be cut. Which, along with "salon"s charging for blow drying, is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Once, I showed a woman a picture of the hairstyle I wanted (that included bangs) and she didn't cut my bangs, she didn't even ask if I wanted them.
*Before she cut, she took the time to ask me where I parted my hair and had me do it. Then, while blow drying, she brushed all my hair back so my part was lost and my hair ended up separating in the middle, which is where my bangs ended up being cut. My bangs look like crap.
*I did not request a time when scheduling, I asked what was available in the afternoon. I was put with another woman who was getting color. My hair was partially blow dried, partially wet while I waited for my stylist to highlight someone else's hair. And then, the girl getting color had her color in past the timer and waited for the stylist to finish my $17 blow dry. I've never been double booked before. I'm sure it happens. I'm sure people who get their hair colored have waited before. But never have I been left to wait for 5-10 minutes with wet hair while someone else is serviced.
*She used a natural bristle brush. It makes my hair frizzy.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Keeping you posted
While I was at work, JD sent me these messages:
JD: Louise just farted under my desk.
JD: Radar is licking the pinball machine. Just sitting, docile ears, licking away.
My job is much less entertaining.
JD: Louise just farted under my desk.
JD: Radar is licking the pinball machine. Just sitting, docile ears, licking away.
My job is much less entertaining.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I do not endorse this.
Best seller lists have fooled me in the past. Lovely Bones, Bluest Eye, the other book about black slaves in the south. It’s always a gamble.
I finished Water for Elephants. On a sale of 1-10 (10 being the best) I give the book a Three Minus. Three because the author obviously did a LOT of research to even be able to write the book, and took the care in include unbelievably true circus stories. Minus because it sucked. It just wasn’t written well. At all. The author is a former tech writer, and it showed.
At the end of the book, there is an interview with the author. She mentioned that she felt she had great structural skills from her tech writing days and thus did not make an outline. A novel that is first person written sequentially in dreams with moments of “present” awake time is, really, not impressive, lady. Read Waterland and tell me how that structure makes you feel. Had I been the editor for this novel, I would have told her to scrap the “dream” idea and have the story start with the old man at the circus, telling the Manager the story. Maybe occasionally flashing back to the present to deal with “old man problems.” It would have seemed more thrilling, being able to both give reactions of the old man telling parts of stories he may have never repeated before, and also a reaction to that information. Stating that something is a really big deal is just not exciting.
Also noted in the interview was how the author did such a great job handling old people. Which is a pretty small accomplishment considering 80% of the novel the “old man” was in his 20s. She added true circus stories, which was cute. It also seemed a little plager-y considering this was a work of fiction. Had she written a non-fiction book, it might have been better. It is also considered “historical” fiction because it was set in the 1920s circus life. Which makes the whole US in the 20s much less interesting because, through prohibition was going on, everyone on the train drank without a problem. All. The. Time. Once, the train was raided. People cried. And then they drank something else. OMG IT WAS HORRIBLE
In general, the book was unable to emphasis any sort of dramatic information. It read as if a junior high schooler had written it for a class assignment. This happened, then this happened, then THIS happened and it was a REALLY big deal, afterward this happened. The only point of drama that seemed fairly adequate was when the parents died. The rest of the novel, as a whole, seemed as if it was written by an observer, which would be fine, had it not been first person. When your narrator is automatically limited in perspective by being first person, it’s even more challenging to cripple them with the inability to describe their own details.
What really grinds my gears though, is that the author specifically thanks someone for helping her title the book "Water for Elephants" which, while I do agree is a good title, has little to nothing to do with the actual story. Old man says he worked in the circus carrying water for elephants. Narrator old man gets mad, calls old man a liar, pouts for another 50% of the story. Aside from saying that elephants require a lot of water, the idea that carrying water for elephants is worth getting up in arms about is never defined. Perhaps it is an insider circus thing. Also, no elephants in the book ever drank any water. I'm serious. Lemonade, yes. Water, no. The title is seriously downgraded considering no elephant ever drinks any water, and watering elephants isn't entirely mentioned in the circus part of the story. It would like if I named a novel "I love Nutella" and though I argue, once, that nutella is good,I never actually eat any.
I would be unlikely to read a book by her again.
I finished Water for Elephants. On a sale of 1-10 (10 being the best) I give the book a Three Minus. Three because the author obviously did a LOT of research to even be able to write the book, and took the care in include unbelievably true circus stories. Minus because it sucked. It just wasn’t written well. At all. The author is a former tech writer, and it showed.
At the end of the book, there is an interview with the author. She mentioned that she felt she had great structural skills from her tech writing days and thus did not make an outline. A novel that is first person written sequentially in dreams with moments of “present” awake time is, really, not impressive, lady. Read Waterland and tell me how that structure makes you feel. Had I been the editor for this novel, I would have told her to scrap the “dream” idea and have the story start with the old man at the circus, telling the Manager the story. Maybe occasionally flashing back to the present to deal with “old man problems.” It would have seemed more thrilling, being able to both give reactions of the old man telling parts of stories he may have never repeated before, and also a reaction to that information. Stating that something is a really big deal is just not exciting.
Also noted in the interview was how the author did such a great job handling old people. Which is a pretty small accomplishment considering 80% of the novel the “old man” was in his 20s. She added true circus stories, which was cute. It also seemed a little plager-y considering this was a work of fiction. Had she written a non-fiction book, it might have been better. It is also considered “historical” fiction because it was set in the 1920s circus life. Which makes the whole US in the 20s much less interesting because, through prohibition was going on, everyone on the train drank without a problem. All. The. Time. Once, the train was raided. People cried. And then they drank something else. OMG IT WAS HORRIBLE
In general, the book was unable to emphasis any sort of dramatic information. It read as if a junior high schooler had written it for a class assignment. This happened, then this happened, then THIS happened and it was a REALLY big deal, afterward this happened. The only point of drama that seemed fairly adequate was when the parents died. The rest of the novel, as a whole, seemed as if it was written by an observer, which would be fine, had it not been first person. When your narrator is automatically limited in perspective by being first person, it’s even more challenging to cripple them with the inability to describe their own details.
What really grinds my gears though, is that the author specifically thanks someone for helping her title the book "Water for Elephants" which, while I do agree is a good title, has little to nothing to do with the actual story. Old man says he worked in the circus carrying water for elephants. Narrator old man gets mad, calls old man a liar, pouts for another 50% of the story. Aside from saying that elephants require a lot of water, the idea that carrying water for elephants is worth getting up in arms about is never defined. Perhaps it is an insider circus thing. Also, no elephants in the book ever drank any water. I'm serious. Lemonade, yes. Water, no. The title is seriously downgraded considering no elephant ever drinks any water, and watering elephants isn't entirely mentioned in the circus part of the story. It would like if I named a novel "I love Nutella" and though I argue, once, that nutella is good,I never actually eat any.
I would be unlikely to read a book by her again.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
TMI
I go to Planned Parenthood for my pap smear every year. One year, I went to a fancy gyno and she treated me like a baby seal. I told her I was having problems. She told me it was completely normal for my period to feak the fuck out and I shouldn't be concerned until I skipped two periods in a row.
Oh please.
If my period is more than an afternoon late, I'm going to be concerned.
So, I went to another doctor at PP. I told her what my problems were and she told me I needed to take calcium and eat more green leafy vegetables. That my mood and matching uterus problems had to do with my diet.
Oh please.
I switched birth controls and my mood went from depressed with suicidal thoughts to stable and even happy. Also, after she examined me, she asked more specific questions about my issues and said "That's not happening is it? Because I didn't check for that"
So, I went again this year. If you've never been, Planned Parenthood (NO offense to their organization, which I fully support, obvi.) is kind of like what Quick Cuts and Fantastic Sams are to the salon industry. It's all about production. Get in, get out, move on. Getting a pelvic exam is like meeting a guy at a frat party, messing around in the bathroom, and then going back to your dorm. Fast, a little painful, and afterword, you feel like you were used. The lady doctor I had left the room after taking her gloves off. Right glove. Left glove. Here's your paper work. Door. She talked the entire time, too. Never asked me if I was having any problems. Never asked me if I had any questions. Just Bing bam thank you ma'am.
I guess you get what you pay for. And since I have Plan First, I pay $4 for "handling" and nothing for my birth control.
Oh please.
If my period is more than an afternoon late, I'm going to be concerned.
So, I went to another doctor at PP. I told her what my problems were and she told me I needed to take calcium and eat more green leafy vegetables. That my mood and matching uterus problems had to do with my diet.
Oh please.
I switched birth controls and my mood went from depressed with suicidal thoughts to stable and even happy. Also, after she examined me, she asked more specific questions about my issues and said "That's not happening is it? Because I didn't check for that"
So, I went again this year. If you've never been, Planned Parenthood (NO offense to their organization, which I fully support, obvi.) is kind of like what Quick Cuts and Fantastic Sams are to the salon industry. It's all about production. Get in, get out, move on. Getting a pelvic exam is like meeting a guy at a frat party, messing around in the bathroom, and then going back to your dorm. Fast, a little painful, and afterword, you feel like you were used. The lady doctor I had left the room after taking her gloves off. Right glove. Left glove. Here's your paper work. Door. She talked the entire time, too. Never asked me if I was having any problems. Never asked me if I had any questions. Just Bing bam thank you ma'am.
I guess you get what you pay for. And since I have Plan First, I pay $4 for "handling" and nothing for my birth control.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
UPDATE:
JD and I are fairly certain a guy at work has a crush on me. Of course, since this is me, he is a crazy. You know the episode of HIMYM when Ted dates that girl and everyone tells him she has crazy eyes? This guy has crazy eyes. One day after we moved to the new building, he introduced himself on the way out. It was strange, but I've dealt with strange so it wasn't a big deal. Not even worth mentioning.
The next day, he inter-office IMs me and proceeds to ask me personal questions, if he is bothering me, will I be his friend? If I took too long to respond to him (keep in mind, the IO IM shows when someone is in a call), he would comment on my "tude" or how I like to keep to myself at work. Eventually I told him I was too busy and needed to go back to work. He tried again later on in the afternoon. I told him I was working and wasn't able to talk.
This morning he IMed "Good Morning!" and I IMed back "Good morning" He then asked me to go to lunch with him. I told him no thank you. He responded with a smiley face sticking its tongue out.
5 Hours later he sent a message: "Boom! She turned me down for lunch! I've never been turned down before May day MAY DAY may day! call the boys and tell um I love um"
For serious. My favorite part is that it was 5 hours later.
A couple hours after that, he IMed me again asking if I have a sense of humor. Since I took too long to reply, he said "uhoh the silent treatment! dun dum" I was on the phone. Jesus H. I told him I was busy working. He asked to talk after work. On the way to our cars. I told him he seemed nice and was very persistent but I was not interested.
Another hour later, he sent me an e-mail emphasizing that he was interested in a PLATONIC conversation, but that he was 5'10, stocky, had a great smile, owned his car, lived in an apartment, and enjoyed lots of movies and music. And, finally, that my invitation to lunch is still open.
Of course, I'm keeping JD informed of all of this in case I don't come home from work one day, and he has to call the police. This was his comment to the e-mail:
"JD: I also own my own house, as well as car, and have developed an intimate sexual relationship with you. Kind Regards, - Your boyfriend"
The next day, he inter-office IMs me and proceeds to ask me personal questions, if he is bothering me, will I be his friend? If I took too long to respond to him (keep in mind, the IO IM shows when someone is in a call), he would comment on my "tude" or how I like to keep to myself at work. Eventually I told him I was too busy and needed to go back to work. He tried again later on in the afternoon. I told him I was working and wasn't able to talk.
This morning he IMed "Good Morning!" and I IMed back "Good morning" He then asked me to go to lunch with him. I told him no thank you. He responded with a smiley face sticking its tongue out.
5 Hours later he sent a message: "Boom! She turned me down for lunch! I've never been turned down before May day MAY DAY may day! call the boys and tell um I love um"
For serious. My favorite part is that it was 5 hours later.
A couple hours after that, he IMed me again asking if I have a sense of humor. Since I took too long to reply, he said "uhoh the silent treatment! dun dum" I was on the phone. Jesus H. I told him I was busy working. He asked to talk after work. On the way to our cars. I told him he seemed nice and was very persistent but I was not interested.
Another hour later, he sent me an e-mail emphasizing that he was interested in a PLATONIC conversation, but that he was 5'10, stocky, had a great smile, owned his car, lived in an apartment, and enjoyed lots of movies and music. And, finally, that my invitation to lunch is still open.
Of course, I'm keeping JD informed of all of this in case I don't come home from work one day, and he has to call the police. This was his comment to the e-mail:
"JD: I also own my own house, as well as car, and have developed an intimate sexual relationship with you. Kind Regards, - Your boyfriend"
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