At work. How cliche

Can you tell me the name of your human resources manager?

JK

OK And what is her job title?

...

I would like a flight from 9/26 to 10/02

Here is flight information for 9/26 to 10/02 Can I book this flight?

Yes

(4 hours later)

Oh wait I meant 9/28 not 9/26 Please change everything.

I do believe that Michelle Duggar wants all those kids. I do believe that she is as happy as she says she is about being pregnant 47 times. However, I cannot wrap my educated mind around her saying she was surprised she got pregnant again.

Really? 18 kids and you’re surprised?

Then I thought, maybe their lifestyle/religion doesn’t know the physics of where babies come from. Maybe she thought God was done with her uterus and decided to stop despite their unprotected sex continuing. Bless her heart, I think she’s doing a fabulous job for what she has and for what she believes, but there is no way on this green earth she was surprised she got pregnant again.

When you type “Obama” into Google, it fills in with “called Kanye West a Jackass”

I also love how no one is really disagreeing with his statement, rather, whether or not the President should be allowed to behave as and have opinions as a human being. Although, I will agree with the point Lisa made on the radio this morning, “The question was what did Obama’s daughters feel about the whole thing, not what did Obama feel about it.” I really feel like I’m missing out on this whole issue because I can’t listen to NPR anymore. And because I don’t have copious amounts of free time in which to watch The Daily Show. Damn you full time job! My favorite is definitely 50 Cent’s (I believe) comment on the whole thing. To type it out is useless because the audio of him is priceless. Essentially, he said he wished Kanye had down that to him so he could punch him in the face. Love it.

As a side note, posting off the record information to be used as slander is irreprehensible. Thankfully, approx. 93% of the world agree with Obama’s comment and apparently, like him all the more for it.

Aside from this, I hope no one can hear me swearing on the phone.

I love Grey's Anatomy Season 2

Life (and other fail blog moments)

Monday I needed gas, but I didn’t get it Monday night. It was $2.49. Tuesday morning I needed gas, but I didn’t get it. It was $2.49. Tuesday after work I couldn’t drive another 200 yards without getting gas. I got gas. It was $2.54. Tuesday 4 hours after work I didn’t need gas. It was $2.49 again.
Fail.

I take 3 freeways to work in the morning. I am easily distracted. I noticed my exit would be coming up in 2 ¾ miles. 3 miles later, I noticed things looked different. So I watched for 2 miles to see if I had passed my exit or not. Indeed I had. I turned around and everything was fine. I was running late though. In fear of missing my exists again, I got into the right lane very early and was driving 30mph. Frown face. I made it to my final exit with approx. 5 minutes to spare. I was then stopped at every possible (and there are only 2) red light. At my turn, I was waiting for traffic when the car in the left turn lane in front of me (and by “car” I mean semi) decided they were going to go back into the driving lane right when traffic opened up to let me turn.
Fail.

I was expecting my old job would direct deposit my final check. I went to my online account and was excited to see the money, but it wasn’t there and my account was $500 lower than I’m used to.
Fail.

Too much September

Top 5 all time favorite Grey’s Anatomy episodes based on the moments in them:
5. Season 2
4. The one in season 3 when the ferry explodes
3. The one in Season 2 (I think) when the trains collided and the old black man and the young girl were impaled with the tree or something and they have to quit working on the girl because the guy has a better chance to live and Meredith is screaming they can’t leave her behind.
2. The one in season 3 after Denny dies and Burke loses his hand and he tells Izzie “You are not fine. I am not fine.”
1. The one in season 2 when Christina can’t stop crying after her abortion.

Possible responses to an old man telling you you are putting people out of a job by using the self check out lanes:
*Kroger doesn’t pay union wages. Just standing here makes you a communist.
*Do YOU realize that you’re putting chefs out of work by cooking that food yourself?
*Do you realize children of farmers can’t afford shoes because you’re shopping at a chain grocery store instead of a farmer’s market?
*Being old doesn’t give you the right to hassle people.

The radio was talking about how or if you can say something to parents with ridiculously overweight kids. I think the answer is no. Then a guy called in and said fat people used to make comments about his skinny kids and how they need to put some meat on their bones. I think that’s inappropriate, too. One of the radio guys made the excellent observation that people with addictions like to be around other people with addictions. Either as a way to connect or as a way to not feel so bad. Like they’re not alone. Or possibly as a taking-you-down-with-me. Or maybe I just can’t word what he said correctly.

The neighbors spent the end of summer playing water guns or some other shooting game late at night. They would run across our lawn and mostly across the path in front of the window. It irritated the dog. I wanted to yell at them that it was too late (dusk) to be running and shooting directly in front of our front window. Based on this observation, I imagine I will be the crotchety old woman who steals your ball when it goes on my lawn.

As heard on Dr. Phil

I would just like to say that teenagers who soak tampons in vodka or give themselves beer enemas... if they die... oh well. Just clearin' the path for someone who might actually cure cancer.

I quit my job. I have never been so relieved.

I start my new job Monday. I have been more scared, will less riding on my ability to do well.

I love my boyfriend.

My dog's breath smells.

(But I love her, too)

Caramel Bear

Things women do better than men:
They’re better managers in this economy. Better multi-taskers, better listeners, better organizers, etc.
Women live longer
Stronger immune systems
Women eat healthier foods
Women graduate college more often and quicker than men
More recession-proof (more men are losing their jobs than women)
Better at getting comfort. Women talk to their friends about what’s bothering them
Survive car accidents more often than men
Women evolve to be more attractive
(taken from 89x who took it from something online, I'm sure.)

Have I mentioned that I hate it when people say, "what are you going to do?" after you tell them something with static results. "I got laid off" "What are you going to do?" I think that question should actually be: "What am I going to do with you?" because, really, that's what they're sayin'. No one cares what you're actually going to do, or how it's actually going to affect you. They care how it's going to affect them.

2 days worth

(taken from 89X listeners)
Things women think are sexy but actually aren’t:
Strip tease – unless you’re an amazing dancer and have a hot body (chances are there’s a reason you’re not doing it professionally)
Balls in your mouth
Steve Bouchemey
Biting hard
Food (whip cream, cherries, etc)
Fishnet stockings
Painted on eyebrows
To much makeup
Lipstick, lip gloss
Colored contacts
Fake things: hair, nails, colors, speech (saying things from movies in romantic moments), tan
Wearing clothes that don’t fit
No underpants

Things men think are sexy that aren’t:
Driving without a shirt on
Cutting the sleeves off of a shirt
Using a “sexy voice” over the phone
Clothes that are too baggy or too tight, being able to see a bulge, being able to see their man boobs
Biting
Dirty talk (sometimes)
Calling a woman “mommie”
Popped collars
Tongue in ear
Penis dancing
Full face, long beards, just the mustache
The soul patch
Licking eye balls

Good things:
Coffee
The huge plagiarism project being easy as opposed to difficult.
My boyfriend.
11.5 oz.s of coffee for $2.50
Taking the time to double check something before asking someone else thus solving my own problem.
The guy next door leaving me candy.

Medium things:
Having lots to do at work (good), but not enough time to do all of it (not good).
Things happening for a reason.

Bad things:
People who don’t double check things before asking you thus making you (unrelated 3rd party) do the grunt work for their lazy ass.
Figuring it would be easier to plagiarize a driving form instead of searching for it cheaper on the internet.
One time at work I was in the bathroom and I heard the bell that someone was here. When I got out of the bathroom, the guy was still there and the only other coworker in the office was sitting at his desk (approx. 10 feet from the door). I asked the guy if he had been helped, he said no, so I talked to him. I hate how my coworker will ignore guests when he feels like it, and other times I’ll be talking to a salesman and just about to get rid of him, when my coworker shows up and basically repeats everything I just said to him. Unnecessary.
The phone rang 3 times, before I answered it which shouldn’t happen with 3 people working. No other line was lit up. Jen complained that Suzie was dicking around checking her personal email and texting; Jen said she was on the phone. Since no other lines were lit up, she was on her cell. Oh my.

9:07am (at work, internal monologue): Man I really want some tacos… volcano nachos! I think I smell tacos and that’s why I want tacos. Why would I suddenly smell tacos? What is the essence of the taco smell? Fresh lettuce and tomatoes with cilantro. Cilantro? Or is it salsa? Combination.

I do honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I do honestly get frustrated when reason has more patience than I do.

Dear Universe...

I read one of my friend's statuses on Facebook that said he was deleting all the negative things and focusing on the positive. I thought, "that's a good idea" and others agreed by responding to his status. They all sounded very happy. So, I thought I would only post positive things into a universe-ish blog. And that explains the lapse. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but I just have so little good things that they are squashed down and minimalized even more by the growing negative facts.

So, fuck it. Life is all about balance anyway.

Good things:
"Dear guy with a camper.... go eat a dick."
"If you had told me at 10 I wasn't going to be eating this hot dog until 3, I would have told you to go f- yourself."
"Coffee is like breakfast beer."
My wonderful boyfriend
Hot Doug's
The morbidly obese on TV
Mashed potatoes
Food Network

I cannot possibly say enough nice things to describe my experience at Hot Dougs in Chicago. My boyfriend was amazing. The place was amazing. The food was amazing. IRL Doug was amazing. I could not have asked for more.

Bad things:
My dog caught a baby bunny yesterday and I had to hear the baby bunny scream. It was horrible.
My brother got laid off. Again.
My parents will finalize their divorce around my birthday. As. Per. Usual.
Haven't had a job call me in over a month.
Having ideas for things without having the money to actualize them.

So, Dear Universe,
Figure it out. Please. Thanks,
Me.