The Biggest Loser

I love fat people. I love fat people working towards losing weight. I love fat people in simple challenges that they have extreme difficulty with because of their size.

The Biggest Loser? I watch it from time to time. Or, you know, religiously. I hated the Red Team. The Red Team man ate 17 cupcakes to add time to other players in a bike challenge. SEVENTEEN CUPCAKES. So you'd think he would lose like +3 pounds right? Each cupcake was 100 calories. That's 1,700 calories of cupcakes. That's close to if not more than his allowed caloric intake for the day. The man lost 8 pounds. I almost vomited. 17 CUPCAKES people.

They had to ride a stationary bike for 26.2 miles. JD bet I could do it in under 2 hours. I'm going to try tomorrow.

And then I'm gonna eat 17 cupcakes and lose 8 pounds.

JUST YOU WAIT JILLIAN!

FTW

Since my attempt at an organized, money-saving, productive morning was pretty much a forgetful, expensive, productive morning, I figured I'd try and do something I couldn't actually fail at.

This means "I love you"

Not pictured: Boons Farm

We went grocery shopping in the evening and JD bought all of this.
Me: Are we having a party?
JD: Yeah. Invite your friends.
Me: None of my friends would come.
JD: I don't think mine would either.

Scratch-offs

I made some motherfuckingpie from scratch. I forgot the lemon and forgot to defrost the blueberries and forgot to put butter on top. I never said I was Martha. Also, I ate, like, the whole thing by myself.

These are my peeps

Thinking about dinner

Lots of things have happened and to be completely honest, the reason I never posted photos before wasn't because I didn't know how/didn't have a camera/didn't take photos. It's because I'm just that lazy. Maybe tomorrow I won't be.

I made blueberry pie from scratch and frozen blueberries.
I went to a college hockey game.
I cooked lots of various foods that were delicious when I consumed them.

Big Girls, Small Kitchen ( http://www.biggirlssmallkitchen.com/ ) provides some really good recipes. Not Food Network shit with some awkward vegetable that you have to flavor with saffron ("yes, it's expensive, but you only need a pinch, and it adds so much flavor!"). They cook things you can get strangers to eat. A while back I was looking through their recipe page and I found succotash which I then tried to make without the recipe. It was still good! I didn't have all the ingredients and used the wrong herbs, but it went well with rice. That's what I like. A base. A new idea. They took that recipe, changed the herbs (closer to what I had made) and put them in a taco. Pretty much my life. If there was a suggestion box, I would add "spinach quesadillas". Similar to their succotash, you replace the edamame with spinach and voila!

So, yeah, later I'll be more vivid.

Just one moment

As I was walking up the stiars, I glanced out the window and witnessed the father of one of the people living across the street outside on the phone waiting for the dog to pee. Whish is fine. Except the moment I looked out, he had separated his winter coat to reveal nothing but pajama bottoms which he was in the act of pulling up... into a shirt!

Ew.

Live blogging a recession

When I was working and no one was calling me about new jobs no matter how many I applied to, I thought it was because I had a job and who wants to hire someone who is working when they can hire someone who is not? Now that I don't have a job and STILL no one is calling me about new jobs, I'm starting to wonder if it's me. It reminds me of the 7th grade when everybody hated me. I was standing in a circle of girls outside during recess and one by one every girl left until I was standing there alone.
That year, my mom took me to go see Harriet The Spy in the theater and I cried through the entire thing. SOBBED for an hour because the kids were so mean to Harriet. And when Rosie O'Donnell has to leave her? Forget it.

And you thought I ate myself fat because I didn't have healthy habits. HA.

St. Patrick's Day in 3 easy paragraphs

I was sitting on the couch looking for jobs and I heard a squeak. Just one. All I thought was, "you... shouldn't... haveanythingthatsqueaks!" Radar was chewing my flip flop. Le sigh.

Do you ever take extra time on something or change your mind after you've done something and end up starting over? Do you then wonder if there is an alternate universe you who is far more efficient and has more time?

On my walk with Tagen today, I saw a trashed chicken nugget lunchable box in the woods behind a school. I have to admit that my first storyline for this empty box was of a fat child whose parent(s) had put them on a diet and the child picked up the lunchable from CVS or something and was hiding in the woods to eat it.
I would never be a good detective because my default answer is always: Fat Kid. Not once did I think a trashed lunchable in the woods could be anything other than a morbidly obese 9 year old well on their way to becoming a TLC special.

Makin' my nails grow strong!

JD: We can make some fruit-pouri!

Me: .... fruit-puree?

JD: That's what I said. Fruit-Pouri!

Me: Get on top

JD: I'm flyin' WEE!

Me: This isn't turning me on.

JD: WEEE! I'm flyin', Shu!

JD: LOOK! The Creeper is Bar-B-Queing! I hope that's his normal cooking spot!

His grill can be seen from the couch. It's a great viewing spot.

It's been quite the day. I went out and ate free samples but I went too early and it was a lame group:

1 sushi at Kroger

1 hospitality doughnut hole from Busch's

1 bit of ham from Busch's

Now that I know how to post pictures, this blog may be a little less blog-novella and and a little more children's book illustrated by JD's camera.

Alton Brown had a Good Eats episode about his weight loss and he made a sardine open faced sandwich. He listed all the health benefits of sardines and I was sold. So I bought some and tried to make the sandwich.

Never again. I wasted half of a great avacado on that. Maybe if I had used a stronger bread. It was like 90% oil. I would post the recipe, but it's not good. Not. Good. I even tried to put mayo on it... no help. It was like eating feet.