RIP Shoes

I do not endorse this:

This ate my good shoe. My cute, neutral toned, pointy toed sling backs. They looked good. They made my legs look good. They went with black and brown. They were easily worn with skirts. They were my interview shoes. I got them second hand from Plato's Closet for cheap and everytime I wore them, women gave me compliments. WOMEN gave ME compliments on something I was WEARING. Which almost never happens to me because I don't own anything nice. A moment of silence, please, for my shoe.

Thank you.

Dear Universe,
It's about time you threw a job my way. To show how ready I am for this said job, here are a list of things I will be purchasing with the money I make from my new job:
1. New running shoes. Mine are old and worn and hurting my feet. Plus it's only a matter of time before Radar (which I just now realized is spelled the same frontwards and back) chews what little life they have left.
2. Dinner out.
3. New neutral toned, pointy toed, slingbacks.
4. A Passport.
5. Candles.
6. Enough Starbucks to get the stars required to be a Gold Member. Unnecessary? Yes. Mildly shameful? Yes. Challenge accepted.
7. Produce from the local farmer's market.

So, Universe, as you can see I am prepared.

In waiting,
AO

When your kid gifts you with an ugly rock they found and then painted

Tagen has been following me around all afternoon. She lays underneath the coffee table while I'm on the couch. She lays next to the sink while I'm in the kitchen. She lays under JD's work desk while I pee. She won't leave me alone which is very odd for her. I'm pretty sure this means 1 (or more) of4 things.
1. Natural disaster. Animals always know first, right?
2. I'm going to die. Just like that death cat at the nursing home, Tagen is going to steal my soul when it leaves my body.
3. She is sick and doesn't want to die alone.
4. She knows she'll be vacationing at grandmas next week.
Hopefully this behavior ends tonight. She's freaking me out.


After 2 days of sitting in the fridge and judging me everytime I opened the door, I used the fondant. I debated between throwing it out, eating it straight from the plastic wrap, and leaving it in there until the next purge, but eventually balled up and made a freaking cake.

Cake: half a box of FunFetti

Frosting: left over Betty Crocker Chocolate Buttercream, nuked for 14 seconds to soften, only on top tier because I got nervous.

Decorations: Junior Mints and Sweedish Fish.

Food Network Challenge: Cakes has an amateur division... right?

Self-endorsement

I'm a cautious person. I do dry runs before interviews. I wear a safety badge, often, and proud. However, sometimes an activity comes up that I talk myself into. No knowledge. No preparation. It's usually a challenge, and therefore I pick the easy, idiot proof, internet version. This has, on occasion, worked out well for me. More often than not, though, it is usually a big mistake.

Enter Marshmallow Fondant.

I do not endorse this:

As a child, I remember always wanting to make rice krispie treats. My mom would tell me that she would buy the stuff, but I would have to clean the dishes. I think I made it twice. The first time, I noticed that marshmallows are pretty much satan. The second time happened because I had forgotten that I promised myself I would never make anything that required me to wash a bowl that had once contained melted marshmallows. I won't even eat a rice krispie treat anymore.

I wanted to make fondant and I found an "easy idiot proof" recipe which I tried to make. Since I have no idea what findant is supposed to look like, and I didn't follow the directions, 2/3rds of the way through, I looked up a video for it up on the internet. I had done everything wrong. Never. Again.

I do endorse this:
Smells great. Smells all over the room. Love.

I do not endorse this:

I like chipotle. I like a medium form of heat. I love mayo. I'm glad I got a small sample for free instead of buying a bottle of it. I have chipotle in the fridge; this is not chipotle. It is taco seasoning in reduced fat mayo. Do not bother.

All Radar, all the time.

OH my god a 40 year old woman, with 2 kids, DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT. No one is safe!

nom nom nom

She's being a funny girl today. Funny -slash- crazy. It started raining so I had to move my fan.

Thanks for putting the fan on the floor for me, Aunt Shapes.

A few days ago, for no reason, Radar took a seat on the tent bag. Since then, I have been trying to get a picture of it because it's just so damn funny.

This is such a great chair

Butterfly in China and stuff

Oh my. I probably shouldn't leave that blog up.

I miss Britney and Justin. Don't you? She had so much going for her. It's one of those things where you wonder how your life would be different if you had stayed together. If Justin and Britney had made it, would we know Dick in a Box? Would K-Fed have been on VH1's Celebrity Fit Camp? Would anyone remember Moesha wsa a TV show had Char Jackson not been involved with Britney? Would anyone have been able to bring Sexy Back?

I realize Britney and Justin broke up 8 years ago and that it is no longer relevant. But you would be thinking about it, too, if you had just watched the Biography on Britney Spears.

So, anyway, here are some pictures of the kids so you don't feel like you've wasted the last 15 minutes.

Happy girl!

I am a fabulous watch dog.

Not a blank page

I have no interest in walking the dogs today. I wish it would rain so I wouldn't feel so guilty.

It is unfortunate that blogger won't let me paste, beacuse I just wrote the best "hire me, I have no experience" cover letters ever.

Oh my gosh I don't actually have anything to say. I would have deleted all of this, but while trying to paste, I accidentally posted and don't feel like trying to delete it.

I've been thinking...

School is out or has been having half days and I notice a lot more tweeners on my dog walks. The other day, I came upon 4 boys most likely under the age of 16. They all had black socks on. One boy was wearing tiny girl black socks with man sandles. One boy was wearing only black socks. The other 2 were wearing crew cut black socks with their tennis shoes. Is this a teenage boy thing? When my brother was in high school, the cool thing was to wear several shirts at once. Maybe this is just was teenage boys do. Or maybe this is what teenage boys' moms do because black socks hide dirt better.

On Facebook, I came across this comment someone posted to my friend's status:
It was my parents 29th anniversary this year, too!!! Isn't it great to have parents that are still happily together? =)
And since I cannot respond to this comment without sounding like a total bitch, this is what I would like to say:
OMG! It was my parents 29th anniversary (5 years ago), too!!! Isn't it great to know in just a few years they could get a divorce like mine did? =)

I mean... that's totally appropriate, right?